ENVISION THIS!

New Blog

2010-06-08T17:31:00.001-07:00

So I am retiring this blog. I think it's time for a change. Blogger has a very limited user interface and I want to work with something more dynamic. So you can now find me on my as of now unamed blog:

http://nameyolosblog.tumblr.com/

Check it out! I will leave this one up so that you can have access to all the old posts and such, and I may come back and visit every once in a while. Hit me up! Thanks for all your support!

The Sunday Spirit: The Gospel of Shug!

2010-05-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

By Alice Walker; from the "Temple of My Familiar"

HELPED are those who are enemies of their own racism; they shall live in harmony with the citizens of this world, and not with those of their ancestors, which has passed away, and which they shall never see again.

HELPED are those born from love: conceived in their father's tenderness and their mother's orgasm, for they shall be those - numbers of whom will be called "illegitimate" whose spirits shall know no boundaries, even between heaven and earth, and whose eyes shall reveal the spark of the love that was their own creation. They shall know joy equal to their suffering and they will lead multitudes into dancing and Peace.

HELPED are those too busy living to respond when they are wrongfully attacked: on their walks they shall find mysteries so intriguing as to distract them from every blow.

HELPED are those who find something in Creation to admire each and every hour. Their days will overflow with beauty and the darkest dungeon will offer gifts.

HELPED are those who receive only to give; always in their house will be the circular energy of generosity; and in their hearts a beginning of new age on Earth: when no keys will be needed to unlock the heart and no locks will be needed on the doors.

HELPED are those who love the stranger; in this they reflect the heart of the Creator and that of the Mother.

HELPED are those who are content to be themselves; they will never lack mystery in their lives and the joys of self-discovery will be constant.

HELPED are those who love the entire cosmos rather than their own tiny country, city, or farm, for to them will be shown the unbroken web of life and the meaning of infinity.

HELPED are those who live in quietness, knowing neither brand name nor fad; they shall live every day as if in eternity, and each moment shall be full as it is long.

HELPED are those who love others unsplit off from their faults; to them will be given clarity of vision.

HELPED are those who create anything at all, for they shall relive the thrill of their own conception, and realize a partnership in the creation of the Universe that keeps them responsible and cheerful.

HELPED are those who love the Earth, their mother, and who willingly suffer that she may no die; in their grief over her pain they will weep rivers of blood, and in their joy in her lively response to love, they will converse with trees.

HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for harmony in the Universe, for they are the restorers of balance to our planet. To them will be given the insight that every good act done anywhere in the cosmos welcomes the life of an animal or a child.

HELPED are those who risk themselves for others' sakes; to them will be given increasing opportunities for ever greater risks. Theirs will be a vision of the world in which no one's gift is despised or lost.

HELPED are those who strive to give up their anger; their reward will be that in any confrontation their first thoughts will never be of violence or war.

HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for peace; on them depends the future of the world.

HELPED are those who forgive; their reward shall be forgetfulness of every evil done to them. It will be in their power, therefore, to envision the new Earth.

HELPED are those who are shown the existence of the Creator's magic in the Universe, they shall experience delight and astonishment without ceasing.

HELPED are those who laugh with a pure heart; theirs will be the company of the jolly righteous.

HELPED are those who love all the colors of all the human beings, as they love all the colors of animals and plants; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them.

HELPED are those who love the lesbian, the gay, and the straight, as they love the sun, the moon, and the stars. None of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them.

HELPED are those who love the broken and the whole; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any of themselves shall be despised.

HELPED are those who do not join mobs; theirs shall be the understanding that to attack in anger is to murder in confusion.

HELPED are those who find the courage to do at least one small thing each day to help the existence of another - plant, animal, river, or other human being. They shall be joined by a multitude of the timid.

HELPED are those who lose their fear of death; theirs is the power to envision the future in a blade of grass.

HELPED are those who love and actively support the diversity of life; they shall be secure in their differentness.

HELPED are those who know.

The Sunday Spirit: "No Pain No Gain: Celebrating the Wisdom of Betty Wright!"

2010-05-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

(Disclaimer: Yolo loves him some Betty Wright. However, I am not in full agreement with alot of the "man politics" in this song or of the idea that the "devil" is messing with our relationships." I also don't support the gender normative enforcers in this song.")

This was a sketchy blog to write. Because I work in the pro-peace movement; I had to ponder for a while; what does it mean for me to say "No Pain No gain?" Am i justifying the abuse that millions of women and men suffer everyday by saying this? Am i colluding with patriarchy in suggesting that pain is a natural part of life? Am i justifying racism? Sexism?

See,I believe that in order for us to grow we must experience pain. I do not believe that all forms of pain are necessary, such as the isms, domestic violence, etc. But i do believe that they each have something to teach us.I believe All pain has something to teach us. The question is are we paying attention or taking time to learn. One of my greatest teachers Starhawk once said "nothing goes away until it has taught us all we need to know". I often think about this in relationship to the myriad of inequities that exist across the planet. But the same is also true about our personal relationships. There is something each of them has to teach us. Something about the human experience that we can learn from studying the dynamics; and looking within ourselves..

So many of us spend our lives running away and avoiding pain. And out of avoiding pain we end up in isolation and bitterness. We end up becoming walking psychological, emotional, and spiritual prisons. This often happens because we are so afraid to experience pain, that vulnerability; the very thing needed to experience love; is shunned and feared. We have to understand that vulnerability means we may experience emotional hurt. And We have to become brave enough to bear the possibility of that pain. If we do not; we will grow increasingly hard and cold and distant from the love we say we desire.

We have to develop the strength, courage and skills to stay present with difficult emotional situations instead of running from them every time things get hard. We have to realize that "pain" is a natural part of our relationships; whether romantic or otherwise "in order to get something you gotta go through something." If we can accept pain as not always an indication of "something wrong" but an indication of "something that needs to be worked through" I think it would help really help us grow..

The Gay Hip Hop Book. ( I love this!)

2010-05-16T12:00:00.001-07:00

The Sunday Spirit! : Learning to Respect the Power of Love

2010-05-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

I love this song. Every time I hear it it's like a celebration to me. It helps me to remember and affirm all the love that I have shared and all the love that I have been given in my lifetime. It helps me to remember and reflect on all the poor choices I've made in love and all the crazy, mixed up situations I have gotten myself into. It makes me realize that I have learned so much and makes me grateful because I know I have so much more to learn.

Respecting the power of love is no joke. Like myself, many of us are often "victims of foolish thinking" as Stephanie Mills says. We often carelessly "Risk our love and our lives." But why? Why so much pain suffering and confusion? Well, one of the things I have learned is that so much of what we have been taught and have not been taught about relationships creates alot of suffering. When I look back on my life; had I had the ideas and understandings of love that I have now, had I had someone to share with me what they knew-there would have been so much pain I could have avoided. So much less struggle I would have had to go through.
And So today I wanted to share some of things that I've learned with you. Some of them you may know and some of them may be new to you. Yet in the slight chance that they may be helpful; I have decided to share.
I hope you enjoy:

1. You are not responsible for your partners infidelity: I remember as a young person believing this. Believing that if he broke our agreement on a monogamous relationship that it was really because of me. Because of something I was not doing right. Because i was not "taking care of home." His infidelity was always linked to the idea that I had an inadequacy. And it was my inadequacy which was the problem.
As I grew older I realized, a man or woman's choice to break a monogamous relationship agreement (cheat) is about them and them alone. Their choice to cheat is reflective of them and not the partner who is being "cheated" on. If the person who cheats has challenges with the relationship, is not being fulfilled in the relationship, or is just having challenges with monogamy as a construct; then it's up to them to communicate that challenge maturely and directly. Their choice to not communicate it and work through it; but instead cheat and then place the responsibility for their own behavior on the other partner; is, I believe, both abusive and violent.
A partners dishonesty in a relationship is about their own issues &challenges. It's important for people who have been cheated on to recognize that and not internalize it as being about their own worth/or unworthiness.

2. We Come to Relationships to Work out Old Wounds:
I think the more we understand this the easier our relationships can become. We have to understand that our attractions to our partners are often connected to childhood trauma and past experiences. Romantic Relationships ( and relationships of all kinds) offer us the opportunity to heal those wounds by challenging us with similar situations in the present. Study your relationships. Their are patterns in them. Learn the patterns and how you respond to them. Review your upbringing. What were the things you needed emotionally/physical/spiritually as a child that you felt were not present? What are the pains you experienced? Connect the dots: are their any parallels between your upbringing dynamics and the dynamics in your relationships now?
And if there are, it's important not to just see them and make excuses for them: Like "Well I had this experience as a child, so I always do this..etc" but instead look at the situation and ask yourself what is being asked of me to shift this dynamic? What is being asked of me to heal this wound? Do you attract partners who dis-respect boundaries? Is the challenge for you to learn to create boundaries then?
Do you attract partners that do similar things as your primary caregivers as a child did? What is being asked of you to learn in this relationship? What is the opportunity for growth here?

4. Stretching beyond your version of reality.

Non romantic friends often uplift our ego's and validate our sense of self. Romantic partners however, often challenge our sense of self because they bring a starkly different reality and worldview. Romantic Relationships are an opportunity often for us to get out of our heads and our narratives and be present with someone else's experiences and narrative. The universe is always intentional. The people who we attract often "rub our wounds" because I believe that is the universe's way of saying "hey-you know this scar right here? You still have not attended to this..."
Remember that your version of reality, while valid and real, is just your version of reality. Your partner and all people will experience reality differently based on their own history, trauma and wounds. Relationships are often radical opportunities to get out of our own heads and see things from someone else's perspective. If we can learn to do that, we can get through alot in our relationships.

5. We Often Have Many Relationship with the Same people:
We will often attract the same kind of woman, the same kind of man in the same dynamics; until we as individuals learn what it is we need to do with ourselves to work through those dynamics.
The one thing you have to realize is that the only common denominator in all your drama is you. In order to change the equation you have to go to work within. Get support. Get help from a therapist, a counselor-or seek support in books. Iyanla Vanzant, Kate Bornstein, Rob Brezsny, Thich Nhat Hahn, Susan Taylor are some of my favorites. You can look them up or just find something that works for you.
Whatever you do. Do personal "work" with yourself. Journal about your life. Reflect on your experiences. It can make a world of difference.

These are just some of the things I am learning and have learned. And there will always be more to share. Always. Life is a journey encouraging us to always respect the power of love. I hope these may be helpful in your own journey. Cause You are Love. You just have to remember.

In love & peace

Yolo

Poem for my Mothers on Mother day

2010-05-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

By Nikki Giovanni

she wanted to be a blade
of grass amid the fields
but he wouldn't agree
to be the dandelion

she wanted to be a robin singing
through the leaves
but he refused to be
her tree

she spun herself into a web
and looking for a place to rest
turned to him
but he stood straight
declining to be her corner

she tried to be a book
but he wouldn't read

she turned herself into a bulb
but he wouldn't let her grow

she decided to become
a woman
and though he still refused
to be a man
she decided it was all
right

"Woman"
By Alice Walker

They were women then
My mama's generation
Husky of voice--stout of
Step
With fists as well as
Hands
How they battered down
Doors
And ironed
Starched white
Shirts
How they led
Armies
Headragged generals
Across mined
Fields
Booby-trapped
Ditches
To discover books
Desks
A place for us
How they knew what we
Must know
Without knowing a page
Of it
Themselves.

The Sunday Spirit: I'm Sorry Black America; I'm Not Convinced That We Love Our Mothers

2010-05-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

We say we love our mothers so much in the black community. We sing praises to the single mothers who have "tirelessly" and "selflessly" dedicated their lives to the well being of their children. We sing, pray and shout time and time again about the martyrdom of black mothers.

Phrases such as "She gave up everything for us" or " She never had anything for herself, just to make sure we had" are posted all over face book and twitter. These posts celebrate black women who gave up their lives, their well being, their spirit, their joy and their happiness to serve as martyrs for the black community.

A community that has still not addressed the high degrees of rape, sexual assault, domestic violence and street harassment that black mothers encounter everyday.
In fact; According to the Washington Violence against women Network, African American women constitute 8% of the U.S. population, but account for 20% of the intimate partner homicide victims.

This is also A community that has still not addressed the pervasive ways in which the sons of our black mothers often exploit, manipulate and abuse our mothers.

A community that still says, when a black mother is abused that it is "their business."

A community that has still chosen to endorse a doctrine of black women are "too strong" berating black women for their resilience even as they are enshrined for it.

So,I'm sorry black America. I cannot participate in this illusion.

Cause I am not thoroughly convinced that we love our mothers.

Let me share more.

1)If we loved black women we'd challenge "The Strong Black Woman" Concept:

In one of the Men's Education Classes I taught at Men Stopping Violence, I asked a young brotha about his relationship to the mother of his kids and their children. He aptly told me "He hadn't talked to them in months, but that he knew she was a strong black woman and that she could handle it all."
This infuriated me. How many black heterosexual men have done this? Believed this? How many of our mothers have been abandoned by the fathers of their children because he knew she could handle it because she was after all, a strong black woman?

The myth of the strong black woman has denied black women their wholeness even as it has empowered many women to achieve success. However, looking at the undesirable effects of this doctrine, we can see the cost of being the "backbone of the family" ( which often ends up meaning, sacrificing yourself instead of balancing your own health and needs with others) is depression, dis-ease, and despair. We must all learn to balance our own needs with others and the strong black woman myth has not helped black women understand this. We have not supported and do not support the well being of black women, single mothers or otherwise, when we continually promote self sacrifice instead of supporting self actualization.

2) If we loved Black Mothers we'd end Black Homophobia:

Because all mothers are not heterosexual. Lesbian, bisexual and Trans African American women have been raising black children as well. When the church advocates that gay people are "sinful" or "evil" it is not showing love for black mothers. It is not showing love for the many trans, lesbian and gender queer individuals who have taken it upon themselves to raise the Trans, Gay and Lesbian children that many heterosexual black communities have abandoned. As far as I'm concerned, Addressing Homophobia is a Mothers Day Act.

2) If We Loved Black Mothers we would stop preaching to heterosexual women that they don't have worth unless they have a man.
I think this heading says it all.

3)If We Loved Black Mothers Wed Stop Supporting Them in Being Martyrs:

Black women need to take care of themselves. We need to help take care of black women as well. Black women are not "the mules of the world" ; beings placed here for our use, casual praise and continual abuse. We need to support black mothers taking care of themselves year round-whether those needs are dietary, psychological, spiritual or otherwise. We need to encourage black women to follow their own dreams and celebrate their own worth not just as mothers; but as autonomous human beings.

If we really love our mothers like we say we do; then I believe it's time we start showing it in practice and not just in theory. I suggest we get really serious about creating a more loving reality for our mothers by challenging these realities in policy; theory and in action.

So one day African American Mothers; and further more, ALL mothers everywhere; can truly have a Happy, Happy Mothers day.

Yolo

The Sunday Spirit: "Forgiveness is for ME": On Parents, Compassion & Changing Our Relationships to our wounds

2010-05-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

It took me a long time to get there. And even once I had arrived, all to often I found myself shifting back... Back to the anger, back to the pain, The frustration, the disappointment, the neglect. It took me years to see them as something other than just my parents. It took me forever to even recognize that they had pain too; To see that they had wounds, trauma and hurt. That they too had been socialized into a system of messages that they had never had the energy or opportunity to dissect. All I saw was myself. How i was treated, how I felt.

It never even dawned on me that my parents were real people. Not just people planted on this earth to take care of me, but people planted on this earth to learn their own lessons. People sent here to work through their own issues. It took me a while to even acknowledge that there were things about them I didn't know. Things they had experienced, as black people born in the 60's and raised in the 70's, that I would never know. It took me a long time to recognize that the only reason I even had access to the privilege I have today; was because of the painstaking effort they had put into simply surviving. And that all of the things that I had learned about the world; about healing; about spirituality, would not have been possible had it not been for their hard work.

But it's hard still no? To forgive your parents? Heck, To forgive anyone! To forgive them for everything that you wanted from them, needed from them, but they were not able, for whatever reason to provide..Whether it was emotional nurturing, material stability or just presence in our lives how do we find the strength and courage to forgive them? And does forgiveness mean no accountability? No confrontation? And what does forgiveness do? Just make them feel better?

These are some of the questions I've spent my life pondering. I've pondered them when men appeared in my life and they had energies that felt like my father. I've pondered it when I think about how my relationship to feminism is directly linked to my feelings about my mother.

You see, astrologer Liz Greene says "Children are psychological remnants of the parents." In other words, as children, we come into
this lifetime often mirroring back to our parents the aspects of themselves they have not dealt with. We are them of course, and they are us- and this riddle Liz Greene poses has helped me answer alot of questions about both the things I struggle with within my parents and given me clarity around the things they struggle with within me.

See I believe Forgiveness is for me. That's right. I don't believe it's about the other person. See when we carry anger and hurt at our parents, or at black people, or at black gay people, white people,ourselves who-ever; it takes it's toll on OUR spirits. It takes it's toll on OUR souls.

Because its within us; not them- that that anger is festering. And that festering wound shows up as all kind of dis-"ease" in the body and mind. It shows up sometimes as cancer. It shows us sometimes as hypertension. Depression. Over-eating. It shows up in soo many ways and so somehow for the sake of all us we have got to find a way to forgive.

And see, i don't think forgiveness is forgetting. Or even "letting go" of the wound.
The wounds will always be there.
I think forgiveness is about developing a different relationship to the wound and a different relationship to the person who inflicted it.

It means; I go underneath the anger and see my own pain-and I also realize that "Hurt people hurt people" and that the infliction of the pain, whether intended or accidental; is ultimately not so much about me but about that other person.

YES. That other person. You see; what ever energy people put out is always about them. Not you. You may serve as the site of their projection or you may even awaken something within them by your presence; but how they choose to respond/react to that energy awakened within them is ABOUT THEM. It's about their development. Their challenges and their room for growth. It is not about your worth or value as a human being because quite frankly, you are priceless. We all are.

We also have to talk about compassion. Compassion is about stretching beyond yourself. Getting out of your head and saying "this is what i would do" because the reality is your parents, and everyone else is not you and will respond to events differently based on their history and their wounds.

It is also important to say that compassion is not pacifism. It does not mean we don't assert ourselves, build boundaries or challenge authority. Compassion means we learn to see others beyond our own narrow views of reality and try to develop understanding. The ego often does not want to understand or even hear others; it simply wants to create what it desires and affirm its worldview as superior to all others.

I also want to be clear that anger is a powerful, beautiful and necessary emotion. It is violence that concerns me. And As i have said before, violence is anger acted out immaturely. We have to learn to find ways to express our anger that do not inflict trauma. I believe this; among many other things; is a goal of the energetic alignment we are currently experiencing on this planet.

Forgiveness is about me. And it's not a one time thing. Sometimes people do things that awaken old feelings for me.. And i have to journal about it. Cry about it. Write about it. Tell them how I feel about it. But i have chosen to not let my wounds control me. I have chosen to not buy into the powerless concept of "someone made me do something" or "provoked me" because I am affirming that whatever wound is awakened; I have a choice in how I respond. I have a choice in how i relate to my wounds. And I have chosen to work hard at seeing them as the past and be present now.

I have chosen to not hold onto and feed anger in myself at white people, or heterosexual black people, who-ever. I have taken the time to see how their socialization and wounds created their own understandings of reality and I start there. And when the anger is awakened in me; i speak my truth; assert my boundaries and name my reality-with an understanding it is just my reality-and not absolute.

Because Forgiveness is For me. It's for me to heal. To grow. To embrace. To kiss and not cut. To hear and not silence. Forgiveness is for me.Forgiveness is for you. For your own well being, for your own spirit; when all else fails; Forgive.

Yolo

Accountability

2010-04-27T20:45:00.001-07:00

In last weeks "The Sunday Spirit" I wrote in the second feature "Self hate is a crime against the universe. It is a crime against God and A crime against yourself." After having time to reflect on the use of that language, I have chosen to shift the word "crime" to "dis-service." The reason I have done this is because I do not want to suggest that the universe is a punitive entity. I also do not want to enforce the judeo-christian concept of "wrong" and "right". What I desire to convey ultimately is that it I believe it is hurtful, and a dis-service to the universe to abuse ourselves and to abuse others. I hope that message gets through.
Even the language of Spiritual law is complicated for me. I think a better use of language would be spiritual principles, as I don't believe the universe exacts punishment, it merely reciprocates what is has been given. I am not sure if anyone besides myself picked up on this language. Even if no-one did, It's important for me to be accountable to the ideas that I replicate into the universe. And this is just one example. I hope for anyone who may have picked up on that, that you were still able to enjoy the piece and grasp the broader spiritual message I was trying to communicate. I will always do my best to hold myself accountable, and I ask that you always know that I am open to your feedback, thoughts, and challenges.

With Much Love

Yolo

The Sunday Spirit: God is trying to tell you something.

2010-04-25T09:11:00.001-07:00

Inhale.
Pause.
Exhale.
Pause.
Listen: God is trying to tell you something.
Be still. Sit. Cease all movement. Quiet Your Mind.
Listen: God is trying to tell you something.

Look at your life. Your friends. Your relationships. Your income. Your culture. Your beliefs. Your body. Your health. Your Home. Your feelings.
Sit back;
reflect.
listen:
God is trying to tell you something.

You are so busy. On the go. Running from here To There. To do this or that. That you've missed some messages. Your inbox is full. You haven't checked it in a while. If you open it up you'll find out: God is trying to tell you something.

What is God trying to tell you? What are the messages that your life is communicating to you right now that you have been missing?

The messages are all around you. The messages are in your friendships, the messages are in your romantic relationships, the messages are in the circumstances and situations you are attracting, the messages are in the systems and society's in which you live.
Is God trying to tell you something about You? About something you need to learn, release, let go, celebrate, or change?
Today, I want to invite you to Stop. Be Still. and Listen:

Cause I just have a feeling, deep in my spirit; that God has really been trying to tell you something. Maybe, just maybe, you should listen.

In love,

Yolo

The Sunday Spirit: I'm poor, black, hell I may even be ugly-but dear God i'm here!

2010-04-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

YOU are here. Today. Now. And Today I am asking you to stop it.Stop. Stop it right now. Stop the put downs. Stop the self blame. Stop the comparisons, release the shame and let go of the self hate. Stop finding every small detail about yourself that you don't feel is "up to par" by someone else's standards and berating yourself. Stop the "woh" is me and the pity stories. It's not what you came here to do and it is not reflective of the powerful, beautiful entity that you are.

Self hate Is a dis-service to the universe. It is a dis-service to god and a dis service to yourself. You did not come here, to this planet, devoid of purpose or mission. You did not come here to this planet; as a distinct unique entity ( There will never ever be another you in the history of creation) only to try to mold yourself into someone or something else. And quite frankly I'm angry with you. And underneath that anger is hurt. How could you not see yourself for who you are? How could you not realize all the light and joy you bring to so many around you? How could you overlook the talents and gifts you have within you? How could you look in the mirror and spit on yourself-which in turn;means that you spit on the face of God?
And i know the rap. The culture has taught us so much about self hate. If we look on the T.V at any given moment, it's communicating to us how until we get this "product" or those clothes we are not "fierce". Unless we wear this makeup, unless we have this body, unless we have this car we are not worthy. But let's be real for a moment. It's not just "them" right? Cause we are them-and they are us. The world without is only a reflection of the world within. So while we must hold the outer would accountable for the messages they send-recognize that if they are sending them then on some level, in some way-you are likely to be sending those same life-debasing messages to yourself and others as well. I want to invite you to stop.

No circumstance or situation is a reflection of your worthiness. They are a reflection of the path this world has created to deflect you from finding the truth that your worthiness has always been within you, and the truth that your worthiness is infallible. There is nothing you can do to shift it. That's right nothing. Cause the universe knows what you did ten years ago or didn't do today. And the universe will always hold you accountable through consequence and spiritual law-and the universe will always, always forgive you. No matter who you are. The universe is the only objective entity that exists. As the framework from which we live; it moves upon action and consequence; not the shifting morals of society or ego driven theology of the collective.

Today is a new day to begin something new. To start a new narrative of compassion. To start a new life where you are not your internal punisher-beating down on yourself for all you believe you are not or have not done. Today is a new day to love. To like. To embrace You. All the corners, crevices, blemishes, all of you. All the things the "world" says you should not. All the parts of you. Hug them. Hold them. Celebrate them and your uniqueness. Celebrate that there will never be another you! And you were given the chance to be here!

One of my favorite lines from the Color purple is when Celie says "I'm Poor, Black, hell i may even be ugly, but dear GOD I’m here!!" And how i interpret that; is that honey, I may be things you despise, dislike or hate cause you cant bear them as your reflection;But I'm here. “I may be Poor, I may be Black, I may be even ugly, but dear GOD I’m here” I was still CHOSEN TO BE HERE. And being things that you have issues with will not prevent me from celebrating my life. I'm going to Celebrate!! Because you may be (fill in the blank) but you're here. YOU are here. & It means that you have a purpose; that you are loved. and that if you stop all the self hate talk; you may be able to hear all the self love the universe is trying to speak to you.

In love, peace and healing
Yolo

My Magical New York Story...

2010-04-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

I didn’t understand it at first. When the feeling came. It was initially like a bolt that hit me out of nowhere, knocking me down. The energy from the bolt swelled in my solar plexis and before I knew it I was depressed, saddened..and I didn’t know why. It was hard for me to not know because I generally keep a good connection with my emotional body. So to have this feeling, deeply entrenched into my being, this sense of something coming and not knowing..well it frustrated the hell out of me. And then one day..in mediation it just came to me : New York.

When I first heard it my reaction was resistance. “You want me to what?” “Go where?!” “WHy?!” “I don’t even like that City!”

I fought it and fought it. You can even ask my closet friends. Deep down inside I knew the call had been placed for me to shift to NYC but I was NOT having it. I fought it for months…and things got increasingly harder. The depression deepened. It was like a boulder building in my stomach. In my psychic eye I could feel a tumult coming, like a blizzard of energy rolling down-but unlike my normal experiences, I could not “read” it. I did not know what it was.

One nite, it took me deep into myself..where there was barely a glimmer of lite. I was in despair “You want me to leave my home?” “My friends? All the work that I’ve done and want do here?!” The little glimmer of lite began to fade more and more..and I cracked..i relinquished… i surrendered. I said: “I will go..”

And from there it was…well…almost like magic how the universe opened up for me. In the next few months questions about jobs, about living situations, became almost instantly answered-even when I tried to resist the simplicity of them;they were all in my face long before questions could be posed.

Ladybugs, creatures that represent the power of surrender, started appearing all above my bed and walls. Several of them. I do not know how they got in; and they were nowhere else in the house but my bed room, but they were there; as if to herald my journey. As if to herald my surrender to the Universe’s plan.

At my job; a possible project came up that would allow me to work remotely. All I had to do was find a LMS (learning management system) that we could afford and see how I could make it happen. Well I went to hundreds of websites and one day came to one which held me. I looked at their clients and they all looked waaay to expensive. I wanted to move on..but spirit said: ‘Stay. Reach out to them”. I clicked the icon on the website that allowed me talk to a live person. Ending up telling them about the work we wanted to do with Men Stopping Violence. For a moment there was no response. Then the person typed: “I know this may seem strange, but I am the VP of this company. I am doing this because We are having a staffing challenge. But besides that, I want to talk to you about giving you this software pro-bono. For free.” And it happened. The software we needed to create my remote position was donated for three years. And it was no small donation.. thousands of dollars per year. The universe had a plan.

I went to Austin For the Fire & Ink Conference. Met many brilliant and beautiful people there. Many of who seemed so familiar and yet so foreign. Every time I would ask someone I really liked where they stayed they would say: “I live in Brooklyn.” Andre: I live In Brooklyn. Fly: I live In Brooklyn. Terrell: I live in Brooklyn. Brooklyn and NYC. Always from the people I spent most of my time with. It was an affirmation from the universe.

Housing concerns popped up. Started searching frantically. And when i was sure it wouldn’t work: A longtime buddy of mine, Leandro was like, “Yolo! We have a room available in our space! Come stay with us, at least until you get your own place!” You can get to know the city before you pick your own apartment and well be roomies!” The universe had a plan.

And so now I’ m here. And it feels good. Getting away from Atlanta has been both liberating and sorrowful. Sorrow because I miss my friends, liberating because now I have more alone time than I’ve ever had..and for the past year or so in ATL I have so craved it. I love walking the streets of the city as a stranger, where no-one really knows my name; its unlikely ill run upon any of the youth I’ve worked with, any one who has ever heard of my poetry, read my articles..its refreshing..it’s like i can breathe in a whole new way. Living in a city where people “expect you to be on” can be taxing..and the community in ATL is really really small. While I love all my peeps, these past few weeks have been a welcome respite.

I spend a lot of time roaming the streets of Manhattan, just walking and watching faces. Ride the bus in Harlem in awe of the auras and the family i see there; walk through Brooklyn smiling at the many racial and ethnic groups, cultures, foods..the constant motion. And I have been writing. Writing more than i have in a long time. Writing about my life and what i want to do. Writing about my truth and what i want to share with you. And writing about the work I know I have been called to NYC to do. Working on myself and within the world community. Like you, I too am here for a reason and have a calling. I know that at the end of the day, I’m in new york to answer.

I love my ATL community immensely and miss you all. And I’m looking forward to what this city will make me. And what I will make it :-) .

Thank you to everyone for your prayers, your love, your hugs and lite. Thank you for supporting me in my journey. Your amazing.

and that my friends-is my magical New York Story!

Much much love!

The Sunday Spirit: Working With Where You Are Now

2010-04-18T08:05:00.001-07:00

We all have been there. In some shape,form or fashion we all have been there-on the precipice of something new. On the edge of entering a new level, a new cypher, a new sphere or way of being. Sometimes the anxiety of being at this point can be nerve wrecking. Whether you are looking down before you fall and surrender, or looking up as you climb and trust, either way the voices of fear flood your head and heart. They say: “Who do you think you are?” “What have you done anyway?” “What makes you think so highly of yourself?“

These voices can be overwhelming at times and yet to many of us these voices, condemning and judgemental as they are, are our best friends. These are also the voices that often keep us from going forward. From moving towards our dreams and destinies. They hold us back because these voices scream at us about how where we are, wherever we are “is not good”, is “wrong”, or is “not where you should be”. These are the voices that say “by now you should be (fill in the blank)” or most people by your age are (fill in the blank) Or “So and so is already “Fill in the blank”

I’ve been there so many times in my own life: Waiting tables after undergrad, working jobs in which i was dissatisfied and felt made no use of my talents. What I had to do then and what I am learning to do now is each time that ugly voice in my mind pops up and says “where you are now is no good”, I pause. I reflect. And I remember:

Everyone has to start somewhere. I am where I am right now because it is where I need to be to learn whatever it is that I need to get to my goal/my dream /desire.

If i truly believe the universe is unfolding as it should, than wherever I am, no matter how irritating, how challenging, how hurtful, how painful-is where i need to be to learn whatever it is i came to learn this lifetime. Because we are all here as students of life. The sooner we can grasp that the sooner we can stop fighting life and the things before us and instead welcome them, confront them, as the divine opportunities for growth that they really are.

Because at the end of the day all we have is this moment. This moment which is not “black” or “white” but is funky, junky, funny, silly squirmy and mixed with blessings, strife, strengths and challenges. But it’s all we have. It’s all you have.The next moment is not promised.

Embrace where you are now. Look around you at what you have built, and even if you do not like it; even if it frustrates you to no end, claim your hand in it. Take responsibility for being wherever you are. Celebrate the lessons this moment can teach you about what you need to do now. And then take responsibility for shifting it. Get a vision, make a plan. Have compassion for yourself. Hold yourself accountable sternly for the mess, but be easy on yourself and remember: You are human and were put on this planet to learn, not to be perfect. This mess is a divine opportunity to learn how to create something new. It’s a divine opportunity to give thanks to universe for this lesson, then open up the book of life and start studying.

Ashe’

Ashe’

Ashe’

And so it is!

Purple Galaxy is now Available on CD Baby!! Get yours now!

2010-03-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

CD BABY:http://cdbaby.com/cd/YoloAkili

So excited to share that "Purple Galaxy" is now available on CD Baby! Check it out. I'm very proud of it! The CD features some of my (and many of your) favorite poems with a few dance mixes, & sultry sounds! Get yours today! I'll also be uploading pics of the release party, which was AMAZING Soon!! Much much love & Lite to you

Dont Worry, Be Faithful

2010-03-10T11:09:00.000-08:00

"Worry is the vampire that drains life of its force. Worry stagnates the mind, creates an imbalance in the immune system; weakens the throat, your power, and authority center; impairs the ability to see beyond the thing being worried about. We worry about things we cannot control. We worry about the past and future. We worry about those things we cannot do or have not done and how they will affect what we are doing right now. We worry about what we do not have, cannot get and things we have lost. Worry creates confusion, disorder, and helplessness. Then we worry because we cannot figure things out. We must eliminate the tendency to worry without worrying if it will work out. Take the situation creating the worry, briefly and concisely write it down. Place the paper on which you have written in a window, facing the sun. Make a commitment to yourself to let it go and move on. Everyone knows that when sunlight hits a vampire, it shrivels up and then it is gone."-Iyanla Vanzant

I love this song

2010-03-09T18:46:00.001-08:00

Activist Notes....

2010-03-09T17:22:00.000-08:00

Analysis without compassion is analysis without transformation. We activists who come out of the academy need to get reality checks around our academic priviledge; egotistical activism and concurrent ideological violence. Whats the real purpose of your work? To make you feel better about yourself or to faciliate change...? Ripping into others only perpetuates the violence you proclaim to abhor....

THE COUNTDOWN!!

2010-02-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

There's a new track Up on my Website from my upcomg Album Release: "Purple Galaxy".
The track is a steamy intro..just something to wet your pallet. :-) As the countdown gets nearer, I will be releasing snippets of several of the tracks on the album..and releasing more and more info about who will be performing..and what kind of "performances" those will be :-) Trust me, in the upcoming weeks there will be no shortness of excitement!!

I Refuse

2010-02-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

I simply refuse to internalize the self body hate that this culture produces and proliferates. This article below is emblematic of the ways that this understanding of beauty as "polished" and "perfect" is unrealistic and dangerous. There are thousands of men and women who have killed themselves or were killed by others because they could not attain it; and there are millions now who suffer from fear and feelings of inadequacy because they believe they are "less than" for not being it.
Any "revolution" in this world must involve a transformation in how we view, connect with and embrace our bodies across the spectrum. As long as we hold these mannequin images in highest esteem we will be robbing ourselves of the opportunity God has given us to embrace the diversity of our curves crevices and blemishes. Beauty is not a sterile image but a canvass of colorful scars.

Cut & Paste the link below to check out News Weeks magazines article of "Unattainable Beauty."

http://www.newsweek.com/id/231629

Love Is You: A Blog About Love & Relationships

2010-02-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

So today I wanted to write a blog about love. I wanted to write about that word that singer/songwriter Musiq Soulchild said is so often "used in vain".
See it's about that time for Valentines day and on Valentines day alot of things happen; not all of it great. Some will be taken advantage of and manipulated because of the way that the word "love" is used in vain. Some will be put down or humiliated because they do not appear to have "love" in the form of a romantic partner. Some will neglect the multitudes of ways that "love" is already present in their life through friends and family.
So in reflection of all these things; I chose to take some quotes from some of my favorite people about love and share my understandings of them and love. And mind you, when i am speaking of love, I am not speaking just of romantic love, but love in all forms, between all types of friendships. Because I believe all of these are valuable relationships where we have much to learn and receive much in the form of what we know as love. I hope you enjoy.

"Who says love last forever? Love is when it is"-Zora Neal Hurston

Love between two individuals or more, like life itself, will not remain fixed to a specific state. It will flow and shift, deepen and dangle, transform and tingle but it will not remain stagnant. I believe we get into trouble when we try to block love from flowing through it's own natural ebb and tides. In other words, we try to make "it" last forever. "It" being the specific experience we are having or have had at one time; instead of letting the energy of love take its natural course.
Love will not be today what it was yesterday, and will not be tomorrow what is today. Our love relationships, romantic and non-romantic; are divine opportunities for us to grow, learn and be present; they come for a "season" a "reason" and a "lesson". Sometimes that season is long. And sometimes that season is short. And sometimes when that lesson is over, that person will leave, and that relationship will end. While In the midst of our mourning over the passing of these relationships, we could also take the time to celebrate the lessons that were learned and the love that was shared. Instead of doing this though, we are often cursing ourselves for not being able to "make it last forever"-and begin our inadequacy ritual; invoking the narratives of self hate and sadness in our minds/bodies and spirits.

But Longevity in relationships is not in of itself a sign of happiness, love or spiritual wealth. Some people are in relationships just because they are afraid to be alone. Some people are in relationships because they have just become apathetic.
Some people are in relationships because they feel their sense of self worth would be absent without it. There are several different reasons people stay; and when those choices come from a place of fear, control, or of inadequacy; I believe those persons are blocking their opportunities for growth and transformation, and ultimately more love. It is important for us to acknowledge that just because a couple has been together for five or more years, does not mean that this couple is happy; or that this couple has achieved some state of bliss which "single" folks are exempt from. ( Expect a blog about the concept of "single" soon) Someone who has had many short relationships could be just as fulfilled as someone who has stayed in a long term loving relationship if they are able to embrace the beauty and wonder in each of them.

Sometimes love means letting go. Sometimes it means removing people from your space and your heart for your and their own growth. When you have to do this some people will get angry. And it will be hard for you. But sometimes for love this is the best thing we can do for ourselves and each "other.

We must also recognize that we are always in relationship with ourselves. And the relationship we have with us is often the most neglected. When was the last time you said loving tings to yourself? When was the last time you took care of yourself, showed love to yourself?

"Love is not just an emotion, it is an energy which comes through or to you, an energy which can act as a transforming agent for yourself and for others. - liz greene

I believe this with all my heart. See, I dint think someone can "make" you love them. I believe people can only awaken a place within you that is love. This place, which I believe exists within all of us, can be awakened by different actions, statements and behaviors. And those actions, statement and behaviors are different for each of us. In Astrology, we look to see what will "awaken love" in a person by looking at the placement of the planet Venus in their birth chart. By looking at this placement you can get a clear picture of what characteristics the person finds desirable, attractive and loving. Even if you never have a chart done, find the time to write down what you find desirable and awakens love within you. Ive done it before and it is quite a powerful exercise.

Also,you do not need another person to awaken this feeling of love within you. You can awaken love within yourself by creating a life that coincides with your desires; thus becoming in love with life itself- and doing this I believe, creates an impetus for more people who awaken love within you to enter your life.

It also "acts as a transforming agent". When you love yourself and radically embrace yourself in all of your complexities, it helps others do the same. It helps others look on to your example of self love and see that they too can follow their passions, love their perceived "flaws" and love themselves enough to create a reality they desire.

“We love because it's the only true adventure”-Nikki Giovanni

Love is an adventure! It's a journey into ourselves and each other. And like all adventures, it can be scary sometimes. There are risks that have to be taken and trust that has to be given. Sometimes, on this adventure you can get sidetracked; or hurt. And even when these things happen, they are jewels of opportunity. They are opportunities to learn, grow and self reflect. To ask ourselves, what can i learn from this? What can i take from this experience to enlighten and enrich my future relationships and others? Many of us have been so hurt by love, or what we perceive as the lack of it; that we have given up on the adventure of love. We have convinced ourselves we are not worthy because of (fill in the blank). I believe its up to us to find the courage to love ourselves enough to see that love is already in us. And that it is not love itself that hurts us, but the wounds, expectations, ideologies that we have placed on love that create so much pain.

“If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.”-Thich Nhat Hahn

Love is not possession. However in a capitalistic society, where almost everything is up to be owned or bought-partners become property. She becomes "my wife", losing her own name and identity. He becomes "my boyfriend." When in love, we may come to agreements about how we enact or embrace it; however i think we need to find ways to love that are not centric on possession and ownership, which ultimately stifle and drain the spirit and are founded on fear.

"If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher. -"Pema Chodron
Love will awaken crazy within you! It will awaken fears, pain, hurt, memories connected to old wounds. When they come up sometimes we go off! But we don't have to. If we learn to study ourselves compassionately, when crazy comes up we can embrace it and not let it control us. In fact i believe that it is not about finding someone who is not "crazy" but instead finding someone who's crazy is compatible with your crazy. And everyone who awakens crazy in us is our teacher. Their is always something that the "crazy" being awakened within you has to teach you.

"Love is you"-Chrisette Michelle

I believe love is god. And that god is you. And that God/goddess, by animating you with the gift of life, You have already been given the greatest love of all. Now the question is what you choose to do with it.
So this Valentines day, I want to invite you to be love. To not seek it, but to be it; in action, word and embodiment. I want to invite you to recognize that regardless of whether you are partnered or not; within you is all the love you will ever need, if only you take the time to go in and find it. At the end of the day, no matter what anyone says; Love is you.:-)
Happy Valentines Day!

Purple Galaxy is Coming...

2010-02-08T17:36:00.000-08:00

After much work..the album is on it's way. And the CD release party is March 13th!!
I cant wait to share with you what I have conspired...lol. The Cd party itself is gonna be a series of erotic performances centered on political freedom and cosmic sensuality. You dont want to miss it!!

Performances by: Ms. Stewart, J-Phi (Dance/J-setters), with an appearance by Meek (no, purple galaxy would be complete without her, right?) and hosted by home girl Lakara Foster!

email me at Yolo@yoloakili.com for more info!

Love/love/love to you1!

The GOD JAR

2010-02-02T17:59:00.001-08:00

So I wanted to share with you one of my faith building exercises. I got it from a friend who ( I believe) got the idea from one of my favs, Iyanla Vanzant.

Anyway, It's called A God Jar.

Whats a god Jar? A god jar is a vessel, a place where you write down on a small piece of paper all the things you are worried about, all the things you are scared wont work out, all the dreams you have and desire to come true but aren't quite sure about how they will come to be-and release them to god/goddess and the universe to take care of.

When you write down these things and place them in the jar, never to open again, you are placing your faith in the universe, Gd, Goddess, or who ever your spiritual counsel is to work things out for and with you. You are releasing your worry and saying "Goddess has got this." I don't need to worry about this anymore.

And from that point on, you do what ever it is you need to do, with the trust that the universe is working on it and supporting you in your efforts

You can decorate your "God Jar" paint it or whatever you like. You can use a mayonaise jar, soda bottle, piggy bank, or whatever you like.

Its a powerful tool that i use whenever i start over-worrying about things. It helps me remember that worrying doesn't help anything. It also helps me keep the faith and remember that my ancestors, angels and the universe has my back. And i believe they've got your back too :-)
I hope you find it useful for yourself. It's really helped me.

Love & Hugs
Yolo

Astrology is to Feminism What Purple is to Lavender.

2010-01-26T19:33:00.000-08:00

Queerness. Blackness. Whiteness. Personality & Perception. So Ive been thinking about these things alot lately. About what ideas and ideologies we prescribe to which in turn, shape, facilitate and inform our personal and communal realities.

For instance, as an astrologer its readily apparent to me that individuals born with a specific conglomeration of energetic lens ( also known as the zodiac) are going to perceive, attract, embrace and enact reality through those lens of perception. For example, A Taurus and a Gemini will see reality differently.

(Going off simply sun signs- which i do not think is substantial when we talk about real people, who in reality have much more than just their sun signs impacting their personalities-but for the purpose of keeping this lite, well do it here) The Taurus is concerned with practicality and survival, The Gemini lives in ideas, constructs and theories- they have very different creative impulses.

Thus they will internalize information differently and will project different visions onto reality. This reality will not only be informed by the multitudes of energy that they are comprised of, but the physical body into which they materialize into on this plane.

Another example, A Scorpio that materializes into A black, wealthy, able-bodied, u.s. citizen's body and reality will be able to express embody and enact that Scorpio energy dramatically different than a Israeli, poor, disabled woman. The reality is that these two, even if they had the exact same astrological charts, would have similarities, but would receive radically different messages about who they are and who they could be from society based on the demographic locations they reincarnated into. And that will make them very different. They will both find and have different channels that they can access to propel their energy.

So Not only are we humans who exist at margins and sites of oppression, we are spirits who manifest through lens and energies. And i believe, that those lens and energies inform our realities in core ways that many "revolutionary movements" have yet to explore.

Feminism says we experience reality differently because we exist at different social locations. Astrology says we experience reality different because we exist as different energetic moments and expressions. Combine the two and i think we have a very interesting puzzle. Because Astrology suggests that no-one is even experiencing the same moment in the same way ever. An Aries and a Libra will filter the present reality through their own ideologies and traumas and inner standings which means that you, reading this document now, experience this in a unique way that no-one else will ever! Ever!! And every way you experience everything is uniquely your own. You are in fact, uniquely your own.

The study of the cosmos, and the subsequent ways they inform the personality, must, I believe, become an integral part of how we as community activists and healers do the work. Alot of our personality challenges could be negotiated if we simply had a lens from which to understand our specific needs/desires/and motivations. For instance A Capricorn and Sagittarius will run an organization very differently. The Capricorn will reach for order and some semblance of hierarchy, particularly one in which age or experience reigns supreme, the Sagittarius will try to create a space much more expansive, one in which parameters or boundaries are less clear or adhered to. These two activists could bump heads forever. But astrological self awareness and insight could help these two articulate and determine what they would both need to be able to work together. Its not to say that astrology is the only way this could happen, just that it is one way.

And astrology can also be a useful tool when we talk about movement building and protest. When is the best time to organize a community gathering? To stage a protest? launch a movement? Imagine how astrological insight could empower us.

Just a random rant with random thougts. What do you think?

A Celebration Of You

2010-01-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

Today I wanted to celebrate you. Yeah, that's right, you. The spirit.The cutie. The Entity that the universe declared worthy for the gift of life. ( Stop looking over your shoulder!! Im talking to you!)

All Too often u dont celebrate yourself. Too often you do not recognize the work that you do for your world and your communities. To often you dont celebrate yourself for all the times you made it through, all the times you learned and used that lesson to better yourself or help others; or All the wonder and beauty you are. And this aint ego trippin. See I believe when you celebrate yourself, God/Goddess the universe celebrates you. When you celebrate yourself in a sincere and loving manner, someone else may be inspired to celebrate themselves because of your example. And then it spreads like a wildfire.

See the reality is; condemnation and self punishment is so passe'. It's been done. you/we know just how to put ourselves down, to exacerbate our flaws, to beat ourselves up. If humanity has mastered anything, surely we have mastered self hate. Look at the world around you and surely that is apparent.

Mind you, Its not saying that we don't hold ourselves accountable and sit and be present with our decisions that have negatively impacted others. We still have to answer to our choices. But we can do that in a compassionate manner that does not end up in laceration and abuse. We can recognize our places of growth and go to work, reflecting/reading/opening/sharing/re-envisioning ourselves.

Self love, like self hate has been around for a while but its not always as widely practiced. How about taking up that path?
See People tend to think its just to easy or too wrong/or to right for me to actually be kind to myself in my own head or think that they are not worthy of love because they are too (fill in the blank) or because they are not ( fill in the blank) or don't look like ( fill in the blank)

But not today! Today we are not going to go down that beaten path. SO i came up with an exercise I wanted to share to help you on your path to celebration.
You can try it every day if you like:
Just grab a piece of paper or notebook and write this down.

Today, I, ( Your name) will acknowledge and celebrate myself as a divine, beautiful expression of the creator. I will recognize that because God/Goddess/the Universe chose to give ME the gift of life, that I am worthy. And that nothing I do, nothing anyone else says or does, can make me any less worthy of all the love, prosperity, joy and bliss that the universe has to offer. No condition or reality is a statement on my worth. It is a statement on society, a statement of systems, a statement on others or my own neglect but never a reflection of my worth. I am invaluable. Priceless. There will never be another me in the history of the universe! I am the standard. The epitome of wonder. And this goes for every person, every star that shines around me (including those who I do not like or care for). Today I will celebrate me. Cause ( your name) is amazing. Cause (your name)is working it all out. Cause (your name) is learning how to make it happen. (your name)is learning how to love and embrace her/his/their own beauty!

And so it is!
Ashe'
Ashe'
Ashe'!!!

On My Mind...

2010-01-14T17:24:00.000-08:00

Okay

So I've been trying to write lately. But its been hard. Because there has been SO much on my mind lately as Im beginning many major transitions ( TBA )and just trying to negotiate everyday life and being.
So instead of writing out long detailed blogs, I'm just gonna give you a gist of whats been bothering me daily.

1) Normative Heterosexual Parenting: Not heterosexuals ( Though in their continued prejudice they can be annoying) but the construct of parenting and how parenting should look and be in America. Its awful. Its ridiculous. Its Unfair.

So your telling me; two people are expected to take care of and support economically, emotionally and spiritually one or more children-and then, somehow in the midst of attempting to survive in a classist production centric society, find the time to take care of themselves and support their growth-somehow maintain a romantic relationship and some semblance of mental health; all by themselves with limited external support outside of the nuclear family structure.( was it nicknamed Nuclear because folks just knew it blow up? I mean really?)

No wonder 70% of marriages end up in divorce. No wonder America is listed as one of the most unhappiest countries on the planet. No wonder depression for black folks is through the roof. The framework for family bites. And on top of that, we have an ethic of emotional hoarding where we don't talk about damn near anything; gender concepts that repress everyone and just..oh boi. If you live in the matrix; and don't have a way to negotiate these things...and even if you do..oh boi.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could reinvision life and family? If we really developed intentional community parenting? But of course, that would take alot of self awareness, growth, selflessness, and would take us to relinquish the idea of children as property to make that happen. Not to mention we would have to re-conceptualize power as we see it; and see it each other. This makes my head hurt.

2. And i wonder-isn't this idea of the strong black woman a primary contributor to black men feeling like they are able to leave? Isn't this idea that black women can do and take ANYTHING horrible and dehumanizing? Not that it isn't wonderful to acknowledge the beauty and resiliency of black women, but the strong black woman narrative often denies the fact that black women, like all human beings, need love, support and healing and need to also not carry the load of the universe alone. I'm just saying/

I got a headache. More to come. Forgive my short analysis.

Love peace and healing to the mothers and fathers and families out here struggling to uphold the nuclear family structure. May we all find a new way to be in the world that involves broader community support and not sadistic individuality.

So Excited!!

2010-01-04T15:18:00.000-08:00

I am VERY Very excited and honored to announce that I've been chosen by the Feminist Women's Health Center to receive their 2010 "Creative Leadership Award" for my activist and artistic endeavors!!

Feminist Women's health center offers low cost reproductive health care to women of all races, ages and abilities. They offer a trans health initiative, reproductive medicine, GYN, Abortion care and so much more. I've had the opportunity to work with the women of Feminist Women's Health Center in the past and I have alot of respect for the great work the center and clinic does day to day.

I will be receiving this award at their annual "Stand Up For Reproductive Justice Gala" January 22nd at the Twelve Hotel at Atlantic Station! For more info on the event or to attend, click below:

http://www.feministcenter.org/

For all my friends and community members, if you are able to attend, I would LOVE To see you there!!!

If you are not able to attend there is one other way you can show support for the Feminist Womens health center in these trying times!!

I would like raise $2500 for Feminist! 2,000 has already been generously donated, so all I need is 500.00!!

If I CAN GET 100 PEOPLE to give just 5.00, it would be a small way you could show your support for Reproductive Health Care and support the great work of Feminist Women's Health Center!!

You can pay online via Paypal! It's quick and easy, and your five dollars will go such a long way!!!

PLEASE REPOST TO YOUR FRIEND NETWORKS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT!!!

Here's the link:

http://yoloakili.chipin.com/feminist-womens-health-center

Remember, what you give comes back to you! So if you are able to give, give in love and in trust that it will return back to you!!

Much much love and lite to you and yours!:-)

Yolo

Reading at Bound to Be Read Books

2010-01-04T15:15:00.000-08:00

So I did this reading a while back. Not at ALL used to sitting down! It felt odd, but it came out well! Enjoy!

IS DRAG TO WOMEN WHAT BLACK FACE IS TO AFRICAN AMERICANS?

2009-12-22T14:50:00.000-08:00

(This post originally occured on Fbook, from which it incited alot of intense reactions. I reposted my response to the reactions below)

So when I posted the question that had been posed to me "Is female "drag" impersonations to women what white men in black face is to African Americans" I didn’t expect it to quite get as in intense as it did. Alot of you, posted in this note, gave some very honest, real interpretations, all evolving from your particular standpoint and worldview. I wanted to respond to some of the comments made on the status as well as offer some brief talking points for further consideration.

I wanted to preface this with something also" EVERYONE"S INTREPRETATION OF REALITY IS VALID" You feel it, it is true for you. Is it the absolute truth? Not necessarily. In fact, is their even an absolute truth is another question in of itself.

What we have here is an opportunity to hear from each other about the ways in which we view and or have been impacted by these realities in order to learn something about ourselves. I do not encourage fighting to define someone else's reality. I encourage sharing our own truths, understanding they are just that: our own truths.

I value all of you as friends and colleagues; and I also, even in disagreement, respect your views and ideas. I ask that you please extend that respect to eachother.

So now: Here's a little bit of my truth ( for now, until you offer me something new to learn!! Yay!)

1) Is their anything similar?) Hmm-my first instinct is to say yes, there is a similarity, but they Are not the same thing. Each phenomenon has a different history and legacy rooted in diverse and complicated dynamics. However like all performances of a privileged population of a marginalized group, there are definitely similarities.

First off-I have to say that I’m not always so certain that drag is in admiration of women. In fact I’m pretty certain that sometimes it isn’t. If anything, it’s a celebration of a certain kind of feminine performance; some might even say stereotypical feminine performance more so than a celebration of "women."

I believe that their is a difference. The kind of performance we see often in drag shows often validates and reinforces a certain kind of feminine expression (via women) to be the most desirable and recognizable vestiges of womanhood. That in itself is problematic because people who identify as women embody a spectrum of expression that isn’t necessarily as polarized as the performance art we witness in drag. Do I think that the intention is to offend? No. Does it change the fact that sometimes drag performance can be offensive?

The fact that a man felt entitled to tell Kenyetta, he’s more woman than she will ever be is instructive. Cause in that statement he Is saying "I
can embody and perform this expression better than you ever will be able to; and because that expression is womanhood itself; I will always be more woman than you." Problem? Id like to think so.

Because that performance is not "woman". "Woman" is not synomous with "femininity." Femininity and the range of characteristics associated with it, exist within each of us and I don’t believe should be minimized to high heel pumps and lipstick-not that those are not great things but that they in of themselves do not
define nor principally posses "womanhood", if anything at all does. Just as masculinity is not man, nor cannot be minimized ordefined principally as aggression, lack of emotion or propensity to commit violence.

2) So what’s similar about the two?
A demographic performing caricatures of another demographic for entertainment pleasure by using stereotypes, parody, and in both cases a privileged population (men/whites) performing another (blacks/women).

Just as we can say that drag is an art form, there are many, many, who will say the same about blackface.

All art is educational and instructive. What we create reflects who we are and where we are. "Blackface" and the portrayal of African Americans reflects whites perceptions and beliefs about authentic blackness
and drag performance, like blackface, reflects gay men’s perceptions and beliefs about authentic "womanhood." Could we find a lot of funk in both of these?Oh yeah. I think so.

3) Lastly I want to be intentional herein saying this because I think too often the idea of gay men being buddies to women comes up subtly. But lets be honest: ALL GAY MEN DO NOT LIKE WOMEN. Gay culture is seething with disgust and disdain for women’s bodies, women themselves, and "feminine" characteristics that are seen to be synonymous with "women."
Even the most "feminine" of men often have deep internalized sexism and self hate of their own "feminine" expression running through their veins. You can hear this in the language. "Fish" definitely being the operative term, a word used in a myriad of ways but Mostly connotes the scent of a woman's vagina, and used to express disdain, disgust about a man who embodies characteristics associated with women."

Anywho, this is a complicated conversation to have. But something to think about.
And in thinking about it, maybe not so much about whether it is “WRONG” or “RIGHT” but maybe more so, what are the consequences of this art? What does it validate? What does it help to foster, nurture, or create? What does it say about us who consume it? What is our relationship and understanding of it? Does it help liberate? Oppress? A little of Both? Always, for me, good questions for life.

"Reads that Bleed": Black Gay men and Passive Aggressive Communication

2009-12-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

Oh, we've all been there. In the room. In the space. With all the black gay, bi, queer male faces. With All the high strung, defensive,angry tense energy.

You see everyone is on edge-waiting for it.

Waiting for the first assault-however small; the first sly comment, however seemingly minuscule-that will make its way into the room. Eyebrows are raised amidst greetings; lips are pursed in suspicion-many are sweeping the room psychically as if preparing for a military war strategy, much less spending time with a gathering of friends and colleagues.
The conversation begins to deepen and like clockwork, someone reacts. The statement could be about anything; someone's "shadiness" some one's "belief" some one's "relationship" or more. It generally comes indirectly; a swift jab too the throat. Underneath the dinner table, everyone is caressing their switch blades. Fearing they could be the next target of ridicule. Fearing some private moment they shared could be put on the table, some piercing insecurity they disclosed could come up for public scrutiny, or some sexual relationship they have could be probed, exposed and berated.

Ah, the good ole "read". Where would we as black gay men be without it? I mean if we didn't have the concept of the "read:" we might actually have to begin talking to each other and not AT each other. We might actually have, goddess forbid, learned how to assertively express how we are feeling and are being impacted by realities, instead of side swiping each other across the throat with violent passive aggressive communication. Now don't get me wrong "reads" can be fun in playful jest. Yet the reality for many of us is that they are often alot more than just playful jest. I define read in this context as an incisive, inflammatory indirect comment aimed at naming or exposing an issue, perceived flaw, or shortcoming of another individual or thing.

Now these passive aggressive incisive statements are often covers for real hurt, pain, jealousy and anger that we are experiencing.

But instead of saying "Hey, I really missed you and I'm hurt that since you got your boy friend, you don't come around and hang out anymore" we say "The girls get real shady when they get some dick. All of a sudden they start playing Ghost like they Whoopi Goldberg in a bad bill Cosby movie an shit."

But whats the difference? The first one is speaking from a personal place. It's naming how you are affected and going beneath the anger to locate the deeper meaning. It has more of a possibility of inviting a serious dialogue. The latter is an attempt to hurt someone from your own hurt. It cuts and is intended too. It does not necessarily open up a conversation about the real issue at hand i;e the friend being missing in action, so much as it creates a space for the friend to feel attacked, defensive, guilty, and ashamed. From this space hes likely to get aggressive back, not open up an intentional dialogue about the challenges of friendships and romantic partners. The reality is, with assertive communication, or any other style-we don't always "get what we want"-but we do take care of ourselves and others by expressing our feelings, relieving us of the weight of carrying all that pressure, and by respecting the other person by not devaluing them.

So, lets have talking points shall we?

1) Like all men, and human beings in this society- I believe we as Black gay men are not taught how to communicate our hurt, pain and issues assertively. Assertive communication is the straightforward and open expression of your needs, desires, thoughts and feelings without attacking, demeaning or disrespecting the needs, realities, or feelings of others.

Often we are taught three communication styles as it relates to conflict

A) Aggression-We just go off on folks, which is emotional violence-screaming, yelling, interrupting, not listening,using our body to intimidate etc, inflicting more trauma and pain, and ultimately not inviting anything but to show how "powerful we are". How "you don't even know me" . "How you are "wrong" or "How i will fuck you up" I.e; -we use the tools that we have been taught by western society. We replicate patterns of abuse inflicted upon us systematically and socially by all major systems of oppression-racism, sexism, homophobia etc.

B) Passive Aggressive-this is where "Reads" often fall, we say nasty things indirectly or do manipulative nasty indirect things to express our hurt. This is often a tool used by those for whom voices have been silenced, or for whom have experienced trauma with speaking their truth ( and who hasn't?) It is aggressive and violent as well and often just as, if not more hurtful, than aggression itself.

C) Passivity- we completely disregard our feelings and let ourselves be a doormat for others, leading to other forms of anger. We belittle our feelings as unimportant. We do not speak out on injustices invoked against us by others, but instead play ourselves down, shut our voices out, and inevitably the anger festers into some other aspect of our life.

None of the latter serves us. What they do serve is creating confusion, drama and unnecessary conflict in a world filled with more than an enough of it already. So why are you creating more of it?

2) Black gay men, like most men in this society, talk about the the realities of loneliness. We are surrounded by loving people, loving friends and family at times-and yet still we feel lonely. This is too much of a complex issue to explore completely here-but a large part of our loneliness is we wont let anyone in. We have been taught to, like straight men "don't trust no other nigga" We have become paranoid about some other person taking, manipulating or hurting us-and so we stay locked up within emotional, spiritual and psychic prisons. We don't go deep into anything with anyone, especially, if not specifically, other black gay men-because often those who embody our same cultural demographic are the people who we project the deepest fear of judgement onto. We are scared they will say the horrible harsh things we already say to ourselves in our heads everyday. Release that. Trust a friend. Trust a relative, trust a counselor. Find someone with whom you feel safe. If not, write in a journal. Release all the stuff within you. Stop holding on to the hurt before it kills you!

3) We learn it at home- I have a belief that when it comes to large community gatherings, organizations, friendship circles etc-that this is the place where we more than any other begin to enact dynamics that we learned in our families. For instance, if we learned that aggressiveness gets you what you want in that context as little one's; well then of course if unchecked, we decide to use that again as an adult in familial like gatherings. And so on and so on. Investigating our feelings about family and what we learned can help us begin the process of unlearning, compassionately, what we do not desire to replicate in our own lives. But first we have to realize we can make that choice.

4) All feelings are VALID: That's right. You feel sad today? Embrace it. Feel anger? Embrace that too. Do not "should" on your feelings. There is never any way you "should" feel other than what you feel in any given moment. Embrace your feelings and instead of hurting someone else because of them, look deeper into what they mean for you. What is this connected to you in your experience/life/rearing? What insecurity or fear does this awake in you or bring up? Feelings are often informed by ideologies-yet intellectualizing your feelings wont help you deal with them. Sometimes you just have to sit with them, or be present with them as they are within you, trusting that you are not the feeling, but the feeling is instead something within you that has something to teach you about yourself.

5) You want a friend? BE a friend! In the black community, we have all kinds of biblical quotes and sayings that are hardly ever in practice. One is no judgment-"let he who cast the stone" yadda yadda. But we do judge. In fact judgment is not bad. Judgment in of itself is about evaluation. you evaluate things, friends, life etc.
But evaluation with an assertion of superiority, or moral authority-now that is the funk. This often appears around sex alot. Well you know hes a "ho" or "fast" or fill in the blank. And promiscuity is the funny one for me. Because he's a ho in relation to who? is their a standard number that is acceptable for you to be intimate with? If you have 20 partners over the course of your life or 20 partners over the course of one month is one worse than the other? And who gets to decide? Why are we even counting if its not to impose comparison, or if its not too make ourselves feel better than "those girls", which is all about moral superiority?
What do we know about their lives anyway? Who they are, how they came to be? Are we concerned about their sexual health sincerely? Their hurts, desires, longings, needs? Do we even care or do we just want to kiki about it, have a good laugh and look down upon them? Whats the real purpose here?

In closing, i really want to invite more conversation on us as black gay/bi/trans men talking in ways that invite dialogue and not battle. I want to speak with men in ways that are honest and sincere and not a Russian roulette of who can come back with a snippy reply first. This is not conducive to intimacy. It is not conducive to love. It does not lend itself to building the kind of relationships that help us be all we can be, embrace the gift of life, and survive this already nasty world and society. Until we can learn to really be honest with each other and firm but not violent, until we can learn to be silly with each other but not mean, until we each as individuals start with ourselves by looking at how we are we cannot create or shift this paradigm in our circles and spaces.

And let me be clear, I don't write this as one above or as one who has never enacted these tendencies. I write this as one committed to shifting them and committed to actively be accountable and be loving with the black gay/bi/trans/queer men in my life.

Im a black gay/queer man doing my work to look at myself and see how i could do things differently. Are you a black gay/trans/bi man doing yours?

Becoming Bitter; Black Gay Men & Being Jaded

2009-12-03T19:06:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning with alot of the young black gay men I work with on my mind. So many of them, younger than 25, always talk to me about the fear of becoming bitter. They are always telling me “I just don’t want to be bitter and jaded. I don’t want to be an old "queen" who’s angry at everything and everyone and can’t let anyone get close." This was always troubling to me. For so many of them, the only older black gay men they experienced were often what they saw as angry, jaded, a "mess", or simply bitter. (I want to acknowledge that sometimes the connotation of a mess is connected to a degree of disdain for so called "feminine" attributes, but that’s another blog)

In so many of my conversations with them, it never fails to not come up, the fear that they have no choice but to fall in line with that pattern. The fear is because they often feel there are no other models, their are no other options. This "bitterness" is also often connected to the fear of being single or alone. Unfortunately not many of us have witnessed older black gay men in relationships in older age. We also have failed to understand that being "single" or without a romantic partner, doesnt mean we can’t have brilliant, beautiful and productive lives. It doesn’t mean we can’t be happy. The reality is, we many of us haven’t learned to be happy with ourselves, much less, someone else.

Yet going back to bitterness I have to acknowledge, as Black Gay men in this world, where we have experienced and do experience so many assaults on our self worth daily, where many of us have lived and are living through the HIV/ AIDS sexual health crisis that has taken so many of our friends and lovers, where our communities and churches often degrade and attack us-it's hard not to become bitter. Living in a world where relationships are often competitions for control and power, where we as men have been socialized to "read" each other aggressively instead of communicating our concerns compassionately, where six pack abs, prison masculinity, economic superficiality and lite skin are too often the unrealistic markers of dominant desire- its hard not to be bitter.As black gay men on very different levels of experience, we struggle with this and so much more daily. The world that we have created can be a horrible place. And it’s hard not to become bitter.

But you know what? I still believe we can make a choice.

Let me explain further: I understand "bitterness" to be when we have allowed life’s experiences to harden our hearts. It is when we move through the world allowing our past experiences to cloud our vision and create unhealthy self fulfilling prophecies based on those wounds, seeking at every turn to validate what we have experienced in the past as real in the present. Bitterness is anger on its way to becoming hate.
Anger is healthy. Yet when we don’t go beneath the anger, to acknowledge the pain that is there we end up staying with the anger and often ending up directing it inwardly-as depression; or outwardly; as rage. Hurting ourselves, or re-creating the cycle on someone else.
Most of us have not, and so much of this is about class, been exposed to or given tools with which to help us process our anger. Most of us have not even been offered the opportunity to express our rage and pain; we are so often silenced by communities and society. So today, I wanted to share some beliefs and ideas that help me with my anger and with not being bitter-with the hope that maybe one of them may be helpful to you; or not.

1) Check your perspective- Check the narratives you tell yourself about who you are. Are you kind to yourself? Or harsh? Do you berate yourself, or lift yourself with compassionate accountability?
Do you forgive yourself for what you couldn’t do, didn’t know how to do, or weren’t able to do at the time? Do you see your relationships, failed or otherwise, as opportunities to learn and grow, or just spaces where you were "done wrong" as if you played no part in the chaos of it?
What decision did you make that created the situation, or the situations you are in now? How can u be accountable enough to let go?

2) Stop the comparisons- There is only one you. And if you were meant to look like, be like, be shaped like, and be smart like anyone else, well then you wouldn’t be you. And considering the divine creator of all this made you the way she/he/it did-then it must have thought you were damn good. And you are. YOU are your own standard!! There is no comparison. Comparison is a tool used by those with lack of imagination and a disrespect for divine order. Like who you are. In fact, love who you are. How you look, and how you are, at whatever place you are, love yourself. And if you want to work on things about you-don’t start with judgment and hate, it doesn’t help. Your body responds and all you do is slow down your ability to shift. Be loving to yourself and the rest will follow.

3) Face your fears- too many of us are held hostage by fear in our lives. We have created all these imaginary monsters that we think are going to have all these horrible things happen to us. Fear of following our dreams, fear of facing our truth, etc. Take the time to face your fears intelligently head on. Remember "Fear is faith in reverse."

4) Learn Yourself. Learn your wounds, your issues and challenges. And don’t just justify them-find a way to have a different relationship to them that does not hinder you in the present. Find a therapist, or a counselor. Except help from others. If you we were meant to do it all alone, or to figure it all out by yourself, god/goddess would have just dropped you on an isolated rock somewhere in a remote part of the galaxy as opposed to this rock which is actually teeming with people who can and would love to help you. Seek them out.

5) Make your life what you desire; brick by brick:
A large part of our reality is about interpretation. It's about how you choose to see what’s happening around you. Republicans and democrats witness the same phenomena everyday, and both have a totally different idea about what is happening. This "interpretation of reality" does not mean crazy shit won’t happen to you, or unfair shit won’t happen, it says instead that how you look at it makes a big difference in what you can learn!

6)S.I.N= Self Inflicted Nonsense: You were not born, nor are of evil or wrongdoing. You were born into circumstances and situations, systems and societies with ideas and beliefs that created a reality for the people who brought you here... Anything that happened to you is not a reflection of your worth, only a commentary on how the world is ignorant to your beauty and value as a human being. Don’t let their neglect become your own.

7) Trust that the relationship you need will find you; and celebrate the relationships you have. Too often we devalue our good friends, who, like lovers, are often our emotional supporters. We also can be self defeating in thinking that; Ill never find someone, or there aint no good guys..yadda yadda. Let that talk go. Trust you deserve to have a partner that you love.

Just some random reflections. More to come.

Thoughts On Ableism (s) Part 1

2009-11-30T11:57:00.000-08:00

Ableism: The belief that their is one standard ability, size, state of mental health, state of physical health and overall body that an individual should have and the institituional practices and societal discrimination that devalues, berades, belittles and neglects those who do not fit this mythical norm.

I've been thinking about how complex ableism is lately. How it encompasses the myriad of ways standard accessibility in this country continues to only support those who are able to walk, or walk long distances...I've been thinking about how "pity politics" work, where thier is so much sadness for disabled individuals, as oppossed to sadness and frustration at the system that contines to produce ableist inequties, or us ourselves, for the way our ableism truly reflects our own challenges with embracing difference, and our alleginace to the idea of the standard body which causes us so much hurt and pain.

Some reflections.

I go to the spa on my birthday. Apart of my treatment is a facial, for which I am really excited. Id never had one till that day. The woman comes in and after introducing herself, prepares to ask me a series of questions concerning my use of skin products, skin history etc...
she ends with asking: "So what kind of skin do you think you have?" I have never given this any kind of thought, so i spurt out, I dont know, i guess it's regular...or um..normal skin?
Before i can get out normal she blurts out "NO! You do not have normal skin! Normal skin is PERFECT. With no blemishes, no marks. You have marks and blemishes. You do not have Normal skin."

Inside im thinking ouch. and damn. What the hell constitutes "Normal?" and what about this concept of normality did she feel she must so rigidly enforce? What does it mean when someone creates a concept of "normalcy" that no-one fits into? and what drives this compulsion? Also isnt perfection a myth? And subjective? But for so many people it is not. I can only imagine the hundreds of men and women who come to her for services and leave feeling awful or less than because theier skin is not "normal" or not "perfect." and instead of questioning the concept of normalcy itself, spend thier whole lives striving for a concept that is elusive and impossible.

2) Muscle Culture- Ironically and not surprisingly, muscle culture is really not often about being well(whatever that means). It's not always about being a counscious eater, so much as it is about superficiality and the re-enforcement of the "perfect body", ripe with six packs, flat tummy and all. I dont even find it to be about strength often.

What troubles me about this apsect of our culture is the degree of hatred and disdain that this space puts on people who do not have the "standard mythical body" and the level of negative body talk this culture encourages individuals to do to themselves and others. Now let me be clear, muscle culture doesnt operate in isolation, its simply emblematic of the larger culture. Yet it does have something to teach us.

The one concept i think illuminates this is the concept of "too".
IN our culture, we will often say, somone's chest is "too big", or "too small". Someone's legs calves are "too small" etc, etc. But the concept of "too" implies that that body is being compared to some standard. too small in comparsion too who? is a question i often ask, and when i do , the response is a blank stare.
For me the reality is, the idea of someone's body being "too" something is apart of our massive socialization and the reality that the mythical standardized body is always within our heads.

This is not to suggest that working out, or body building is wrong. No, that's not it at all. The problem i think is the puttin down of other people or internalized self hate that often comes along with that; and honestly its not just present at the gym. yet in my experience in gay culture, where superficiality often leads the way; in an interesting site to explore it, however brief.

The bigger question I want to offer is, How can we create space within ourselves ( cause we always start with us) to embrace different body abilities, sizes, shapes etc, and challenge our own self hate ( which is what it is, only projected on others at times) in order to be effective in creating a world where there is no "too" and all our bodies get and deserve equal repsect and honoring? How do we as able bodied individuals, look at our own fear of being disabled as really being linked to our own pitty politics and self hate? Can we find the courage to disrupt the mythical norm by loving our round tummies, our "non-normal " skin, our different abilities, senses, etc?

More to come....

Family is What you Make It! ( Re-discovered writings)

2009-11-30T09:52:00.001-08:00

Family is what you make it! ( Re-discovered writings from a while ago)

The upcoming holiday season brings with it both new and old challenges for LGBTQ folks. As the egg nog pours and the shopping frenzies ensue, many of us will find ourselves faced with the option of returning home to our biological families. Even still, many of us will also be forced to face the harsh reality of not having that option.

Yet if we look around, and into ourselves, we are sure to find there is someone who deeply cares for us the way only a family member can.

Sometimes it's our best friend, or "judy-judy". Sometimes it's our "house" members, or "queer family." It could also be a counselor, a caretaker, or a co-worker. Whoever it is, remember that family is what you make it!

For example, in our communities many of us have created extensive fictive kin networks to support ourselves. Though these networks can often, just like our real family, pull stunts and shows (literally), there are still times when some member of our fictive kin was there when no-one else was. They may have offered a smile, a place to stay, an encouraging “U betta work!" or a shoulder to lean on. They may have provided some money, some time, or even better, some belly bursting laughter. Remember them! Thank them for their love or support.

Even if you can't do it personally, do it in your heart. It can make all the difference.

And it doesn't have to stop there. If you are not with your biological family, or even if you are,

hold a "family dinner" for your loved ones and fictive kin members. Get together and spend a day preparing a meal, eating in fellowship, and lounging around afterwards playing board games or watching a movie. Make a thank you wall to help you remember how far you all have come, and what each of you has made it through. Review the lessons of the year and make personal commitments to breaking cycles and patterns of destructive behavior.

Last but not least, forgive. Forgiveness is the act of releasing the anger we have held towards others in the past, in order to embrace the beauty and opportunity available in the present. It can be the easiest thing to say, yet sometimes the hardest thing to do. Still, work on forgiving your family members, fictive or biological, for who they were and who they were not able to be. Though it’s hard for some of us too see it that way, our family members, especially our parents, are individuals just like us. They have pain, issues, fears and problems just like we do. Like us they also may have made poor, or imbalanced decisions. Yet everyone is worthy of forgiveness and compassion. And there's no better time to start forgiving then now.

The holidays are here people! And now we have a decision to make. We can decide to spend this season focusing on "if only’s”, or we can make the choice to focus on and embrace what we have. And what we have, each of us, is someone out there, who loves and cares and worries about us, whether we know or realize it or not. Whether they show it the way we want them too, or whether they are able to show it at all. We have family. Because when we open our hearts, our minds, and our arms to ourselves and each other, family becomes not just what we make it, but ends up being who we are.

Happy Holidays!!

Random Writings 2: Masculinity Kills

2009-11-15T13:47:00.000-08:00

THis is apart of an OLD journal i wrote about a year ago. Some stuff could be expanded ( and maybe i will edit it later) but i just cut and pasted it and thought to share. expect mis-spellings. Yall know how i do shatwty.

Masculinity Kills

The real danger is not men. The real danger is not masculinity or masculine embodied people. The real danger is what we have defined masculinity to be. The danger is the beliefs, ideas and concepts that we have for too long defined as male and “masculine”. The danger is that we have defined these things to equate aggression, violence, control and being unemotive. The danger is that too many of us have accepted these codes unilaterally and unapologetically. It is this concept of masculinity, and our acceptance of it, which is a large part of the reason our communities, our families, and our planet is out of balance and spiraling out of control.

Pop Culture mythology has lead us to believe that maleness, or being born as what is perceived to be biologically male automatically equates a number of things. Some of these things are: A natural propsensity towards aggression and violence, an unemotive nature, and in many cases a wandering irresponsible sexuality. Yet science, like the culture itself, is biased. The Scientists who research sexuality and gender often go into their scientific studies looking for evidence to validate what society has already assumed to be true. Thus the hidden barrage of assumptions on what those who are "anatomically male" espouse are not taken as theory; but instead established as fact.

Yet many scientists have debunked the beliefs that anatomically “male” embodied people express specific characteristics. Feminist Scientists have also questioned the construction of “maleness’ and “femaleness” itself. Do our gene chromosomes match up so nicely to our sexual genitalia; and then by extension, our perceived gender? Many would be surprised to find that the answer is probably not. Feminist Scientists who have conducted research and reviewed scientific literature have come to understand what many of us have known all along; that there is no proof to suggest that by virtue of being "male" or "female" one will express any specific traits. They confirm what feminists, sociologists and everyday people have always intuitively understood: That it is not any biological proclivity specific to those born what is known to be male that makes men aggressive and unemotive, but instead the culture of socialization that men experience. In other words, it is what males are taught.

And what are men taught? From birth, the socialization process based on “gender” begins. In most major hospitals, after birth children perceived to be young girls are given pink blankets, and those perceived to be young boys are given the color blue. The colors are not problematic, they are emblematic. They represent the very different messages, beliefs and ideas young boys and girls will receive about who they are , who they should be, and what it is not acceptable to be. This education will come through many forms, it will come through the family, in the form of relatives, cousins, uncles and aunts. It will come through television, music, and books. Boys will be given toy trucks, young girls dolls. If the boys desire dolls, that behavior will be shunned. The boys will be moved towards things that incite aggression. Toys that prep them for war. A quick glance at the “boys” section of any department store will reveal this. All of the toys young boys are encouraged to play with are toys that pertain to fighting, to power, and to control. This is apart of the socialization process. This trait of aggression is encouraged it is not innate.

This socialization process will continue throughout their lives, and will be unespcapable. At every turn young men will hear: real men don’t take no shit. Real men get lots of pussy. Real men have it under control, have their lives under control, have “their women” under control.
In even families who choose not to adhere to this strict manhood code, there children will nonetheless, as long as they participate in western society, be affected by it. The ideology of “maleness” will loom over them all of their lives.
But what is the cost to us as individuals, whether “male” or “female” who embrace this ideology? As an instructor at Men Stopping Violence, A social change organization dedicated to ending male violence against women, I got to see first hand what the cost of this manhood code is to men. Every day I work with men of different ages, different races, different nationalities and though they all were affected and responded to the dominant concept of masculininty differently, they are Men who, from birth internalized that to be a real man they had to “suck it up.” “It” being their emotions and their feelings. But What happens to a human being who is encouraged, through ideology and indoctrination, to disconnect from and not express their emotions and feelings because they make them “less than? What happens to a human being instructed all its life to never express hurt or pain, sadness and sorrow, because it will make them “less than?” What happens when rage and anger are the only ok feeling?
Well. It seems we can look to our world to find the answer, whether “male” or female” the absorption of a power over ethic has left us all in a less than desirable situation. It has left us with a world culture that values dominance and hierarchy, inequality and condemnation, and that is oppossed to any ethic that declares us each as divine, worthy of love, and worthy of life. It leaves us with dangerous masculinity. And at the end of the day, it’s the masculinity, our at least our definition of it, that is killing us all.

Random Writings 1: Ideological Violence

2009-11-15T13:28:00.000-08:00

"Uncovered this from my online journal. Kinda interesting. Thoughts?"

In order to effectively infiltrate theories of wholeness into the larger human population, we as queers, as healers, as radical activists and leftists are going to have to incorporate more and more complex strategies. It is not to say that we should give up those skills and things that we have now, but it is to say that those methods are not always effective in getting our voices heard.

For instance, the in your face anti- activism of “were queer were here” or the aggressive demonstrations and protests where “sides” have been taken often do very little to change movements. What they often do instead, is help consolidate the “opposition’s belief that they must fight harder against the other side, and help endorse the idea that these issues are two sided as opposed to being much more complicated with shades of grey that could offer spaces for co-operation. This is why it is integral that we as activist-healers on the left begin the vital work of self awareness, love and reflection. We must learn to look at ourselves. We must recognize that what we create, we must first become. We must remember that the masters tools will never dismantle the masters house. What do I mean by this? Let me share:

What we create we must first become: Each time we go out into the universe with our self righteousness, defensiveness , we replicate more of that same energy in others. When we enter debates or dialogues dis interested in hearing others, or of generating compassion, or of seeing the other side, those individuals get on the defensive and become what we have given:-self righteousness, defensiveness and anger. Then we are unable to hear eachother. The cycle perpetuates itself, and we get more violence, more anger, more pain, less resolution. Generating compassion and keeping a line of communication open between ourselves must be recognized as necessary.

But we cannot generate compassion if there is no self reflection, because we are too caught up in our own anger, in our own pain. We are often so caught up in our own anger, in our own pain and victimization that we cannot even see the world from their view. In order to help with this, The first thing I believe we all as activists have to do is recognize how the work we are doing, whether its reproductive justice or in domestic violence is connected to us ourselves and our own wounding. And we must go beneath the anger, where the real wounding is. Because Anger is nothing but an umbrella emotion; one which covers a list of feelings that we often disconnect from: hurt, pain, confusion, sadness, and frustration. In our patriarchal society in the context of war or debate, these feelings are presented as invalid. Yet we must reclaim them within ourselves.

For instance, lets say I am an individual who says that I am angry at the failure to pass an ENDA bill for LGBTQ rights. The anger is the first place we go, but what is beneath it? Could it be hurt? Hurt that the failure for this bill to pass directly speaks to a cultures placement of little value in my life, in me? Hurt that this is yet another assault on my self worth, a sense of self worth that as a queer person in America, is assaulted daily?

Going to the hurt can help us keep from going to attack. Not going to attack offers us the space to hear and be heard. To generate compassion. To connect internally with the narrative of pain versus the narrative of anger produces a different biochemical response in your body and aura. The narrative of anger gets the blood pressure high, the narrative of pain sombers us.

If we can connect with our deeper emotions, and remain internally aware, we begin to be able to see others more clearly. For if you are acting out of anger to cover pain, surely the others are as well?

Surely there is some wounding, some belief, some pain that leads them to attack. Could it be that the right wings claims of “backlash” , “abuse and “violence” have some level of credence to them?

Of course they do. People on the right wing’s feelings are valid because all of our feelings are valid. But we cannot hear the pain that an African American republican speaks of, because we are too caught up in our own victimization and judgement of his or her ideology and placement. Yet many African Americans who are republican do face harassment, and violence from the community. We must hear their experience and understand that is real for them, but to do so we must step outside of our self centerdness. Stepping outside of our self centerdness means that we have to validate others experiences, even when we don’t feel like it is the whole truth or believe it is what is really happening.

Validating the others perspective allows them to feel heard, and once being heard has happened, once an individual feels validated, the level of resistance wanes. This is where the concept of mirroring is so important. If we are able to mirror and validate back others in time of conflict so that they feel heard, the argumentative energy may be subdued. It also allows us an opportunity to get out of “our stuff” for a minute and hear someone else’s experience. Hearing someone else’s experience gives us the opportunity to see shared mutual interest, and also see others pain.

So if we believe the law of “what we create, we must first become –we have to see that when we create violence and aggression we are embodying those things; they are not separate from us. And the creation of those things within us and without us creates more of it in the universe. It is not the anger or the emotion that we must challenge, but the actions the we do in relation to that emotion. So if we choose to create compassion, to create active listening, there is the possibility that we may create that in others. Though we have to recognize also, that using these tactics may not change the “other side”. They may still respond with aggression.

Yet we do our part in committing not to perpetuate more violence by working towards compassion. We drain our own energy less, feed the egocentric compulsions of this culture less, and offer more room for transformation. We still hold others accountable. We still defend. state and protect ourselves, however, we do not give ourselves over to them, which in our culture is casual and everyday.

Yet this paradigm cannot be so easily uncovered. When we talk about mirroring and compassion, we have to recognize that there real inequalities that socialization and society have created around gender, sex, race, and much more. Interjecting these inequalities into the discourse complicates things. For instance, many women have been socialized always to generate compassion, and in many cases to nurture. When in conversations with many men, who have been socialized that they have an entitlement to space, some women may fall prey to emotional caretaking as opposed to radical dialogue. On the other end of this spectrum, many men may find themselves listening to react, and not listening to hear what the other is saying.

To this I say: that these are our challenges when resisting socialization. If we as men are really interested in ending oppression we must recognize that to not listen, or to listen only to attack is a “tool of the master . “ We must relinquish the need to be right and challenge ourselves to reclaim our full humanity by becoming more empathetic, intune and intouch. Apart also of women’s work must be to learn assertive skills. To become intentional about speaking their desires and needs and challenging the idea of women as meak and passive.

Both of these pose challenges however, and do create the possibility for real lived danger. Men may be bullied for being soft of gay, women may be silenced or intimidateed through violence or abuse. Resistance is not simple enough, and unfortuanately, we will often encounter more aggression than non-violence, even as active proponents of non-violence as a strategy.

which is why There is so much work to do...

2009-10-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

When Straight Black Women Attack & Activists Exploit

Thoughts and Statements on the Termination of Sandra Bradley & Morehouse College

Fantasy wedding leads to Morehouse firing
Gay couple’s marriage photos mocked in email comments

(http://www.sovo.com/2009/10-9/news/localnews/10702.cfm?page=1 for the entire story

Also: Rumors have been circulating that Morehouse College is about to enact a policy of "Appropriate Dress" that in it's language discourages men who wear "women's clothes" and "feminine Dress". Both MJB & Yolo felt it would be important to address why this would be dangerous and problematic if this was actually made apart of policy.

Yolo Akili

As a community organizer in the metro Atlanta area who is NOT nor has never been a student of Morehouse College, I was still nevertheless, deeply impacted by this situation. In response to this I have chosen to write in solidarity with my colleague, fellow activist and Morehouse College graduate Micheal J. Brewer on the many under-illuminated realities of this situation that we feel both the media and the blogosphere have failed to address.

1) Sandra Bradley's comments : For far too long, Black heterosexual middle class women have taken out their anger and frustration at what they percieve to be the lack of viable male partners on black gay men. Instead of investigating thier own elitist and sexist narratives of what constitutes a desirable partner, now our ability to love and embrace eachother has become the site in which black heterosexual women, with disturbingly unwavering support of the black community; can target and attack us. Because many black heterosexual women have been socialized to connect thier worth to men, often black men who love black men is seen as a rejection of them; in much the same way that black men who date white women are seen to have rejected black women. But this is not always the case. Our love of each other or love of someone who is not you, does not mean we love you any less. As black gay men, and yes, even as black men who sometimes chose partners who are not black, we often still and do love you as our sisters, friends, mothers, aunts and daughters. That love is still valid. That love is still meaningful. That love is still real.

However, I must state clearly and succinctly that even though I do not agree with the way in which way Bradley and many black women voice thier pain, I do hear the very real hurt that black women experience in this country. As a feminist it is very clear to me that Black women have a right to feel anger and hurt when this countries insitutions, standards of beauty, and black men themselves assault, attack and demean them daily.

But black men loving eachother and our bonds of care and committment are not the enemy sisters.The enemies are the systems of criminilization, economics, hyper-masculinity and injustice that have created the conditions for the "male shortage" you experience today. I'd also like to add that instead of blaming us, maybe self introspection on your own values, ideas about relationships and how they should look and your own enabling would lead to more insight into the supposed black male shortage. Maybe Instead of projecting our anger on eachother, we would do well to collectively direct our energies towards transforming the systems of ideas, beliefs, and institutions that have ceated what you experience as real today.

2) I do not agree with, nor condone the firing of Sandra Bradley. This model of punitive justice, which has left yet another black woman unemployed in one of the worst economic crisis of our history; has solved nothing. It has not offered Sandra an oppurtunity to learn anything but anger and grief. It has not educated her on her own comments, nor been used as an opppurunity to initiate a dialogue on homophobia on Morehouse's campus and in the AUC. It has not been transformative, and we now we have another sister, who may, god forbid, out of her own anger and pain now become an enemy to black gay men who may join god knows who's church or god knows who;s mission to degrade and devalue the lives of black LBGTQ folks further. I advocate for the re-hiring of Sandra, on the contigency that she attend some program, community service, or education that helps hold her accountable without attacking her.

3) "Morehouse College's Appropriate Attire Policy"- I want to take the time to reinterate the importance of acknowledging myself as an outsider of Morehouse College. This is important to me because in my experience doing organizing in the metro Atlanta area, all too often activists who have no connection to morehouse college use the institution as a grounds to further thier own agendas in a way that is frighteningly reminiscent of white activists entering communities of color, or internationally, U.S folks entering other nations. This model is one of exploitation, where the "outside" forces come in to battle some injustice, failing to look to the leadership and communities already living there for guidance and making decisions that, once the brigade has left, create disastrous consequences that those people are left to deal with. I have no desire to enact this model of injustice.

While holding that I must also say that Morehouse college choosing possibly to publicly declare a standard that looks down upon "feminine dress", or "women's clothes" has implications that travel beyond the AUC's borders. This type of policy, if it goes unchallenged, can set a precedence for other academic institutions to feel that it is acceptable to regulate people's bodies and gender expressions.

Not only that, This policy helps to validate the homophobic assaults and harrassments that are already happening at Morehouse. For before, we know that men who dressed in ways that crossed gender boundaries were harrassed, but now, Morehouse college is considering given individuals institutional support to police and condemn men's gender expression. The next thing we know this could spread, and the women of Spelman college will be forced to not wear "masculine dress"; and the women who dress more "masculine" on that campus will be harrassed more than they are already. Ultimately The decision to create and enforce this policy will contribute to fostering a climate where men who are either Gay or non-gender normative are not safe, valued, or embraced. This is simply unacceptable.

At the end of the day you have to ask yourselves, faculty and men of morehouse, why your school, that has produced some of our greatest leaders, is choosing to invest its energies in enforcing ideas that do not further the enlightenment nor embrace the diversity and beauty of black men. Why your school instead chooses to invest in policy that imprisons and belays black male expression into a narrow standard of masculinity that is not reflective of you or your school's legacy. I wonder what Morehouse would be able to do if it wasnt wasting all its energy trying to prove that its not gay. Heck, I wonder what most black men would do if they didnt spend half thier lives trying to prove that theyre not gay. Maybe you, and they, would choose to be something else. Maybe if you would choose to be men; heterosexual, homosexual or otherwise you would choose to be men who are responsible, accountable, and secure enough in your sexualities that you could direct your energies towards more loving and productive endeavors.

-Yolo

Yolo Akili is a nationally recognized artist, author, certified yoga teacher and spiritual consultant. For more, visit www.YoloAkili.com.

Michael J. Brewer

Let me take a moment to fully disclose my concealed weapons: I am a recent graduate and proud alum of Morehouse College. I love my institution with my whole heart and am infinitely indebted to her for making me the man -- the Morehouse Man -- that I am today. In all that I do, I seek to only bring continued strength and honor to "Deal Old Morehouse".

I believe it is this passion for Morehouse College that has sparked and fueled my growing frustration (and, might I candidly add, disdain and impatience) of the perpetual and effervescent critique of Morehouse precipitated by the vulturous survelliance of the larger LGBT community, superimposed upon the institution and magnifying every action it takes with regard to its queer student population.

To be fair, Morehouse holds a peculiar position of prestige that solicits a slightly more refined look at our evolving legacy. Likewise, the collective behavior of Morehouse College does not occur in a vacuum and, when it challenges a fundamental percept of ethical code it, like any other institution, need be challenged on its breach of moral decorum and held accountable for its actions. However, the precipitous events that ushered the firing of Ms. Sandra Bradley are viscerally demonstrative -- not of Morehouse's termination policy, but rather of:

a dysfunctional history in which the LGBT community's practice of rallying oppostion to the institution callously disregards the soveriegnity of the Morehouse community to address its own concerns,
a negligence to the foundation for progress concerning issues related to homophobia and hetersexism forged by constituents of the institution,
a disregard for both Morehouse's gay & bisexual students who are being exploited by such a campaign, and the movement for equality spurned by on-campus advocates and allies who challenge the campus status-quo, and
an almost complete apathy toward the continued thriving of the institution and longevity of the progressive movement at the institution after the external community has retreated its ideological encroachment.

While Morehouse is certainly not the only example one could provide of such cultural imperialism, I am sick and tired of the LGBT community treating MY institution like a lap dog, in need of constant media supervision, social policing and a sound strike on the nose every time something REMOTELY related to LGBT issues happens. Morehouse is special, and we understand the crown that has been placed above our heads. But really, Morehouse is an institution with its unique challenges and is not to be held to some golden standard. Incidents like those that led to Ms. Bradley's firing occur not just at Morehouse -- in fact, it seems that the specific email that she forwarded even found its way through certain annals of the Fulton County government. However, I rarely if ever see redirected the special spotlight of investigation and indignation that is so often cast on Morehouse College.

Additionally, I'm equally irritated by the unmitigated gall of the larger LGBT community to continuously criticize Morehouse for supposed “infractions” against the queer movement when, in aggregate, that same community does nothing to support the institution or its progress towards more LGBT inclusive policy and practices at the institution. With the notable exception of the HRC (under the brilliant and culturally competent hands of Diversity Coordinator Joey Gaskins), to my knowledge there are no LGBT organizations or agencies who give substantially of their resources to support the mission of Morehouse College. The community so quick to jump to accusations does not even support the gay rights group on campus, which has been advocating for a more progressive Morehouse since the 1980s. Scathing emails and fiery articles in newspapers and on blogs do garner a certain amount of attention, but those words ring rather hollow when those behind the words are offering nothing more substantive to help create a more progressive Morehouse. Here’s a thought: if you want to change Morehouse for the better, give to Morehouse. Develop a trustworthy relationship with the institution so they will invite you to the table when important decisions concerning our queer community are being made. Endow a scholarship for a queer student, or a position on faculty to teach gender and sexuality studies. Support the queer organizing that’s already taking place on campus, and respect that process and their work – they are much more in tune with what strategy works to effect the appropriate change, and they will be the ones left to continue the work at Morehouse after you, ultimately, leave to battle the next injustice. Stop criticizing Morehouse and then retreating to your liberal enclaves where you don’t have to engage with those you so publicly abhor and malign.

This glaring gap becomes even more ostensible when one looks at the "Appropriate Attire Policy" that Morehouse is purporting to begin implementing on its student body this month. Here we have a problematic policy whose implications on the definitions of gender and masculinities -- as well as codified prescriptions for policing both -- reach far beyond Morehouse's institutional walls, but there is no comment from the larger LGBT community on this egregious injustice. And, while I respectfully disagree the institution's position behind such a policy, I am left to wonder where the objectionable chorus of activists and advocates are -- perhaps, when assaults on LGBT culture are made that only effect Morehouse students and have no direct bearings on the entire community, there's no reason to protest. (Sidebar: to my Morehouse brothers still on campus, it is incumbent upon you to raise your voices in opposition to such an oppressive policy. Failure to do so chips away at the progress made by those that came before you.)

Which leads me to the following: to those whom this edict applies, please refrain from using my institution as the catalyst for your social justice agenda, particularly when you cannot engage the institution in the reciprocity of accountability that utilizes cultural competency and does not perpetuate oppression in your intervention. I applaud the swift and decisive actions of President Robert M. Franklin and the Morehouse College community against such alleged homophobia, and I appreciate the campus community's increasing sensitivity to such issues. However, I cannot condone the firing of Ms. Bradley nor the perpetual backlash of the LGBT community which undoubtedly agitated and precipitated Ms. Bradley's termination. And, on a personal note, if those in the LGBT community knew (or cared to know) anything about Morehouse besides what they read in the gay press, they'd learn that while we have certainly missed that mark in the past with regard to LGBT folk, we've definitely earned our stripes when it comes to advocating for the civil rights of marginalized people.

To put it bluntly: Check your privilege, first. Then critique -- respectfully.

There's an old saying at my alma mater stating that one does not simply decide or choose to attend Morehouse College -- rather, Morehouse College chooses her sons, those "Men of Morehouse" to be made "Morehouse Men." She choose those men and holds high above our heads a crown, a crown which she challenges us to grow tall enough in intellect, respect, integrity, character, valor and excellence to wear. She chooses those men, those men called not to curse the wretchedness of the dark, but rather to light a candle in that dark and illuminate the truth, beauty and justice that leads nations and moves souls.

I join my cosmic brother Yolo Akili in this manifesto to light a candle in the dark. The unjust firing of former Morehouse College employee Sandra Bradley and the implementation of an oppressive appropriate attire policy on campus brings me great disappointment and is symptomatic of a larger dynamic of injustice -- a conundrum of hypocrisy, patriarchy, homophobia and imperialism that unfairly scrutinizes Morehouse College against a rhetorical standard which few institutions are challenged to uphold, while simultaneously allowing Morehouse College to enact policy that further disenfranchises its queer contingent and opens the doors for institutionalized heteronormativity even wider.

In the paraphrased words of my late Morehouse brother Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ('48), if the LGBT community is going to be a metaphorical "drum major" -- strive to be a drum major for truth. Be a drum major for justice.

Don't just beat the damn drum.

--- MJB

Michael J. Brewer is an outspoken writer, speaker, social commentator and advocate for progressive change. Brewer currently serves as Chief-of-Staff to Georgia State Representative Alisha Thomas Morgan (HD-39) and Field Organizer for Georgia Equality. For more, visit www.MichaelJBrewer.blogspot.com.

Ode To E.Lynn Harris

2009-07-24T21:38:00.001-07:00

Today I learned of E. Lynn Harris' untimely passing, and in his death, I am left to mourn him in much the same fashion as i celebrated him in his life; as an enigma to me; one who created works that in so many ways, broadened and brought black gay life to mainstream black america, and yet at the same time as one who painted a picture I could never find myself to fit in completely; a picture marked by a class experience I had no cognizance of, and a measure of hetero-normativity I did not desire to harbor.

I remember him as one whose works contributed so much to fostering dialogue about the woundedness of being male, black and gay in America, and also remember him as one whose work helped to further conjure and consolidate so much of the gendered muscle queen chaos of black gay culture.

I do not, nor will I pretend to, remember him as perfect. I will remember him Bright. Young. Crafty. Intelligent. I will not eulogize him into a cast of iron that robs him of his uniqueness, his contradictions, his shortcomings, nor of his brilliance.

I will remember him as human.

I will remember when I came across his novel "Just As I Am".

That book to me was the first affirmation of my existence. It was the first work I came across that described me, as a black gay man, as something more than an object to be studied; or as more than a black heterosexual woman's buddy to be leaned on.

It was the first time I even considered the possibility that I could live a life loving a man. That a man might love me. It was the first time I was offered the oppurtunity that I could create beyond the confines of heterosexuality a space where I could breathe and be. It in many ways, helped me plant the seeds that would sow my sensual freedom. For this I am forever grateful to him.

Throughout the years I followed E. Lynns writings and had more than my share of challenges. My favorites were his early books, Just As I am, This Too Shall Pass, IF this World were mine, etc. His books shifted as did his style and in later years, I was not a frequent follower nor a fan of his works.

He & I met in many comings and goings, but he was not someone I knew well or was close to.

However, His contribution to the current state of black gay literature, in all it's complications, is irrefutable. That he was a pioneer is undeniable. That he was not perfect, is evident.

Yet I do not believe sainthood makes one worthy of recognition. I believe its our humanness that makes us wonderful. That makes us beautiful and yes, that sometimes makes us ugly. & so In memory of E. Lynn I will remember all I know of him and of his work, and celebrate his life.

Thank you E. Lynn, for going to places many of us did not have the courage to go, and for giving so many of us, the gift of ourselves in your reflection.

May you rest in peace, in love and in wonder, knowing that you will not be forgotten, and that we are thankful for the fruit that bore from the tree of your brilliance.

In love

Yolo

I hear he's got a big black....

2009-06-22T20:20:00.003-07:00

After following up some blogs today, I came across the media blitz over that Guy from College Hill who has nude pics on the net now . Many of the blogs talked about how, even though it was horrible that he got nude pics released, at least he was hung. I kinda cruised over that statement the first time until i was like..wait..what if he wasn't hung?

What if his dick wasn't however big it is? Would it then be a source of shame as opposed to celebration? Would his self worth as a sexual being be diminished in lieu of having a phallus that was deemed "ordinary" or "small?"

That brought me to the big dick conversation that many people are having. I know for many of us, its a hard conversation to have, but we really need to talk more about it.

we need to talk about the way in which maleness and sexual worth is tied up to how long, thick and wide your dick is and how that has traumatized, wounded and really created a culture of insecurity and pain in men who have different dick sizes, those who do not have dicks, and those who define thier sexuality primarily through a phall ocentric lens. In other words those of us who believe, sex=dick. the dick is the center, and all other acts outside of penetration are just foreplay. Yall know what im talking about.

So Lets have talking points, shall we?

1). Ive talked to alot of men, straight and gay alike, who have talked about how through the consumption of pornography they learned that thier sexual valor would be defined by how big thier dick was and how hard they could fuck. Many of the men talked about being really unsure about thier penis size, and feeling insecure about sexual performance.

The African American men particularly, expressed alot of concern over not being a "real black man" because they dont have long "jungle dicks" ( they're words, not mine). And this in itself had further created a disconnect from thier bodies. They felt "less than" and that lack of fufillment in themselves in many of these scenarios' led to alot of abusive and controlling behavoirs towards thier partners. They were especially jealous of any other male attention thier partners recieved. What was the fear about? He might have a bigger dick than me.

Of course this is connected to internalized racism for me, because where did this stereotype of the "big black dick" come from? It came from racism, and the fear of black male sexuality. The construction of black men as jungle monkies, who were out to fuck white women with thier huge black dicks and "stain thier purity".

Interestingly enough, that stereotype, which i believe is so destructive, is embraced by many black men to be the truth. Black men just have bigger dicks right?. But i've slept with enough black men to know that our penis sizes vary.
I also understand that one of the reasons black men hold onto the big black dick theory is because it is in many ways an attempt to replace the patriarchal masculinity that racism has not allowed them access to ( institutional power, etc). Whats jacked up is that the embrace and upholding of this still fuels racism and the murdering of black male bodies everyday. Its a no-win situation.

Ive also spoken with trans men who do not have penis' and they speak of the desire for a phallus; and feel that because they do not have the appendage thier is something intrinsically missing about thier maleness. Ive spoken with older men and disabled men, who because of prostrate cancer or another condition cannot "get it up" or "squirt it out" and now are struggling with the idea that thier maleness is in question and thier sexual worth is null and void.

But is maleness really all about the dick? Can we make our maleness, our male sexuality, about something else besides the dick to help us all have better sex lives?

i wonder, What would it look like if our manhood as men was not measured in inches?
Can a man who is impotent, or who has hard time getting erections still have a rich and healthy sex life?
Can he still be celebrated and honored as a sexual being? Can he value himself? Can we create a world where comparison of bodies in this "standardized norm" does not make someone less than?

How can we imagine sex so that our dicks are not just weapons we plow through someone, and so that no matter what we have, we can love and appreciate our bodies and gain and give sexual pleasure?

I believe that we who identify as men have alot of work to do in relationship to our bodies and to sex. We have to find ways to have the difficult conversations that are neccessary for healing about our dicks, dick size-and learn to build a sense of inner sexual worth regardless of where we fall on the spectrum.

We have to learn to embrace our bodies fully in all thier complexities and differences in order to experience the full realm of possibilities and pleasures they can bestow upon us. We have to learn to explore other mediums of pleasure that are not simply about wham bam thank you sam, and cum on someone's face. And we have to talk about women who have penis's too.

And let me be clear that i myself dont exist outside this cannon. I am, and am always doing intentional work ( journaling, affirmations, personal history writing) to help myself develop a sense of self worth that isnt about how big my dick is, or that I have a dick at all. I want to experience my full humanity-and for me that means not allowing ableism to be the crutch of my sensuality.

I dont know. Just thoughts. I would love to deepen this conversation.

What do you think?

Yolo

Imagine If..

2009-06-22T20:20:00.001-07:00

Imagine for a minute. A world with no racism, no sexism. No patriarchy, no Homo-phobia no Ableism.

Imagine.

Difference is celebrated. We are different people, different languages, different cultures. Yet none are considered superior to the other, all are seen to be of equal value and importance.

Imagine a world where violence was not the rule of survival. Where dicks are not weapons of mass destruction. Imagine children are safe from sexual assault. Rape is unheard of.

Imagine it is a common cultural belief that our bodies, in all of thier different shapes, sizes and hues, are seen as vessels of the divine. Imagine we are taught ourselves that we are divine. That God, Goddess is us. That we have inner power and immanent value. That "god" loves us by simply living within us. By animating us with life energy .

Imagine.

Imagine we have many identities; children are encouraged to create thier own language to name themselves; we are all able to name ourselves as we wish.

Imagine.

No Homophobia. No fear of same sex desire. It is ok to love openly and bodly who you desire. We are not force fed heterosexuality or taught sexism from birth. No one is told they must be something based on their physical body. We are allowed to be what we wish.

Imagine. Narrow categories of gender do not exist. We express as we wish, in whatever capacity we choose. We wear colors on whatever body we chose and thier are not repercussions.

Imagine, affection and sensuality are of equal value as penetration and orgasm.

Imagine.

Animals that are eaten are honored in their life. Treated with respect and dignity. Thier are no steriods.

Imagine the earth itself is treated with respect and dignity. That our lives are centered around the replenishment and sustenance of the planet, because we all believe in many ways the planet is ourselves.

Imagine, we live in connection with the earth, with technology that provides comfort and engenders sustainability, and does not pollute.

Imagine we loved to love instead of loving to hurt.

Imagine a world where the denigration of others is not entertainment. Their is no Jerry Springer, no reality shows where people are "othered" and introduced as "freaks" to make us feel better about ourselves.

Imagine a community - Where privacy and accountability struck a balance. Where no phenomenon is seen not to be apart of the greater whole. Where we didn't dissapear into "nuclear" families,living behind closed doors and shut blinds, keeping all our pain and challenges inside, homes ultimately designed to self destruct...

Imagine a world where the study and love of the self was valued. That children and people were taught that to understand life, they had to first explore themselves.

Imagine.

Sometimes I do. Because at the end of the day, another world is possible. And that world is always us. And I believe we always have a chance to be that world every waking moment.

But i think before we can end the isms, before we can end oppression and violence. Before any of that can happen...We have to first imagine...

ya know?

Sex, Anyone?

2009-06-22T20:19:00.001-07:00

So I just finished watching, or more like finished being disturbed with, this documentary on heterosexual porn.
I wanted to share some thoughts/questions with you all and start a conversation maybe.
Okay here we go. And this is all my thoughts, where i am now. THIS IS NOT TO BE TAKEN AS THE TRUTH. Just more of what im believing today.

1.) I believe that all people have the capacity to be attracted to all gender and sexualities. Attraction is, however, not always sexual, but can be experienced as an energetic pull between two beings. IN our culture, people often confuse attraction as always being sexual. I dont think it always is, especially if we think of "sexual" as it is meant in the normative discourse.

2) Sexual orientation is not biological, it is socially constructed. I dont believe people are born "gay" or born "straight". I believe that people are born with sexual desires that are impacted by a sexually repressed society, and all the of the sexual assault and trauma that comes with that. I include "homo-phobia" and heterosexism ( as well as ableism and all the other isms) as sexual trauma, since it is an ideology that robs many of thier capacity to express "same "sex desire" by constructing stigma and repression of that desire. I also think it contributes to polarizing sexual attraction into two narrow categories, of "gay" and "straight".
Two identities that function in popular mythology only through the denial or dismissal of the complexities of our attractions, sexual desires and our histories.

3) sexist gender constructs inhibit many from being able to embrace thier desires. I believe that alot of gay men are attracted to women, and gay women attracted to men, but cannot see themselves being thier queer selves in the context of a heterosexual relationship and thus render the union impossible.
In other words, if Im a "feminine" man who is attracted to a "feminine" woman, but because I cannot see myself embodying normative heterosexuality or cant see myself being my normal gay self with her, then our relationship cant happen. Gender gets in the way. It inhibits our imagination!

3) "Gang-Bang Porn" or porn in which multiple men are penetrating or performing sex with a woman, is, in my opinion, a bonding ritual between men in which women are used as vessels for men to attempt to connect with a sense of intimacy with each other that patriarchy has not allowed them too. many men who embrace this ideology do not allow themselves to experience deep vulnerability and emotional bonds with each other, ( because it might look gay) and therefore that energy is redirected into bonding through mutual explotation or sexual acts with women. Aint no fun if the boys cant have none.

4.) I think its interesting that alot of heterosexua identifiedl women will have sex with women as long as thier male partner is present. It seems to me that many heterosexual identified women use thier boyfriends as vessells for them to explore thier own sexual longing for women. Whats interesting though, is that those same women cannot, or will not allow themselves to be intimate with a woman without a man present-is it because he becomes the justifier? He helps the straight card still stand?

I dont know. My heads spinning. More thoughts to come. Sorry for all the mis-spellings!

Surrender..

2009-06-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

So much has been shifting through my heart lately, and its been somewhat of a challenging time. For the longest, I wasn't sure what the changes coming over me were about. It was an intense sadness that seemed, at least initially, not to have a direct source.

I'm normally really in touch with my emotional body and so to be in this space where I didnt know felt different, odd, I fought the feelings for a while. But today i decided to surrender. I decided to face my fears of not knowing what it was, of not understanding and having all the answers. I just sat down, and wrote in my journal over and over again:" Surrender. Be still. Trust." And after doing that, I walked into my room and I saw something crawling on my wall....
It was a ladybug. I have no idea how she/he got into my room. ( And um its actually flying around my room as i write lol) As i do always, I looked up the metaphysical or animal totem representation of Ladybugs and this is what I got.

"Lady bug teaches us how to restore our faith and trust in the great spirit. It initiates change where it is needed most. When lady bug appears it is asking us to get out of our own way and allow great spirit to enter."

Sounds like surrender to me huh? Ya know, I know something is happening in my universe. I can feel it in every cell of my body. I dont know what is next to come, but im willing to face it bravely and courageously. Im willing to trust. Im willing to love. Im willing to let go.

And As the ladybug zooms around my head i cant help but think: Isn't the universe wonderful? Isn't this experience divine? Always another oppurtunity to love, to heal, to change, to grow and to learn.

I am so grateful to remember that I am always a student of life and spirit, before anything else. And im so grateful to be able to surrender and see "whats around the river bend"..lol.( thats for Moya and Mia lol.)

Even more so, Im grateful to be able to share this moment with you, and i look forward to our many many tales of transformations together!

In and Love/peace & spirit

Yolo

Lately

2009-06-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Lately I have had this very deep sadness come over me. I don't know what its about. Its not consistent or steady. It shifts and slips over me and then disappears as idly as it came. But it has been real. I thought it would be important to write about it because often people see me as an "always happy guy" and i think it's important to humanize myself against that prison.
Yeah, I have to say I'm not quite sure what it is. It just "is", and most days I have learned to just sit with it and let it be. Let it move it's course through me. On a physical level however things continue to go well. Projects are blooming. Work is good. Money is getting better. But yeah-this sadness is so strange to me-yet so familiar. today a colleague of mine told me that she had sensed that I'm on the verge of something big. I think shes right. I wish I could say I had a better idea what it was. But i do know that often when we go into deep pain, there is often a deep transformation that comes with it...whatever it is..i just thought id share. Everyone keeps asking me when I write a new blog so hey-here it is! LOL.

love/peace/ and healing
Yolo

A Vision, A Possibility & A Promise: An Open Letter to Chris Brown

2009-04-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

A Vision, A Possibility and A Promise: An Open Letter To Chris Brown
(The edited version of this letter appeared in the Atlanta Journal Constitution April, 2, 2009: Listed as Domestic Violence: Two Atlanta's Share their Experiences)

Dear Chris,

As a man whose life work is to end violence against women,
Hearing about the violence you did to Rihanna has been both heartbreaking and painful. It made me realize, as I do every day, that we as men all too often make the choice to act out our frustrations on the women in our lives aggressively. In fact, according to statistics, every three minutes a women in this country is assaulted at the hand of a man she knows. However, I do not have the priviledge or illusion, Chris, of seeing you as someone so terribly different from me, or any other man for that matter. Having acted out aggressively towards women in my life, and having worked with hundreds of men who have done the same, I know all too well that as men we enact violence on a broad spectrum, and that we are never to far from reflecting each other. In the spirit of that reflection, I want to share with you the process I undergo in order to to to work on myself , in the hopes that it may help u in your own work.

The first step for me was admittance. I had to be honest with myself and others about what I had done; without excuses, justifications or blaming; I had to name the abuse I inflicted on loved ones in my life and accept and acknowledge the pain and devastation that it had caused them.

And once that had been done, I was faced with a bigger question:
I had seen what kind of man I was, but to change, what kind of man did that mean I must become? I realized that in order to change I had to envision a new masculinity for myself, for without vision-the people truly do perish.
Thus I envsioned a masculinity which abandoned aggression, ownership and abuse as viable means to establish intimacy. I envisioned A masculinity that defined itself through internal worth and not external control.

My vision was then followed by a possibility; the possibility that not only could I imagine this masculinity, but that I could embody it.
This brought out new questions: What does that really mean? Or better yet, what does that even look like? What are the real tools and skills that I would need to be able to navigate this world with non-violence? How would I have to learn to speak, to use my body, to interact with women and men? This is where my training at Men Stopping Violence became so pivotal. Before I was a staff member, I was an intern at MSV. This experience helped me deepen my understanding and gave me real life tools that helped me learn to be assertive and not aggressive, that made me think more about the effects of my actions towards other people, that made me think about the effects of my actions on the world. These self awareness skills gave me the opportunity to choose to end the cycle of anger and pain inflicted on me.

This was not easy, and it was not something I am or was able to do alone or overnight. Nor is it to say that after this program I find myself never embodying aggression Chris. Quite the contrary is true; I have not learned how to be a perfect man, I have learned how to be an imperfect man who is willing to take ownership for his behaviors and be accountable for his actions without minimizing, denying, or blaming others. I have learned to dismiss power over others as a model of practice and embrace power from within as a medium of existence.

This masculinity has come at a price Chris; all too often it means being an outcast, or misunderstood by both men and women. It sometimes means having to challenge gender norms in uncomfortable ways and be apart of uncomfortable conversations. Yet in the long run, it means something much more to me Chris: It means offering an example to young boys that there are others ways to be men in this world, and in that process helping to create safer communities for women and girls. Thus I had to make myself a promise Chris: A promise to myself to work on myself, inside and out, so that I would never ever enact violence against a woman again. A promise to myself that I would not only be accountable to all of my actions, but that I would be accountable to my community; a community which, whether I like it or not, is always watching and looking up to me, a community of young boys who are watching me as a model of who they can or possibly desire to be.

I also Promise that I don’t give up on us men Chris, all of us; until all women and girls are safe from violence. I don’t believe anything short of that is a world worth fighting for. As a brother, as a fellow human being and as man working towards change I hope you are able to hear me. And For the Sake of Rihanna and the millions of women who walk in her shoes, If it is true that you have acted violently, I hope that you take seriously what you done, and the work that you must now do.

With Love & Peace

Yolo

Write the anger out..

2009-03-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

In this time where a triangulation of planets are in Pisces, and the moon is in the ever perceptive Scorpio-feelings are at an all time high. What is normally concealed beneath the intellect or buried in the unconscious now becomes even more so apparent. And so in this time, being sensitive as I am, i recognize old feelings return....vestiges of emotions that are always with me...that i recycle and transform and come back to time to time...and so tonite I come back to anger....

Anger

1.) I realized how pissed off I am at Christian culture and christian theology. I recognize how heated I become when the parts of this ideology that administer self hate, dis empowerment or unworthiness is espoused. and as a Queer African American their is no other ideology intra-racially that has caused as much psychological spiritual damage as "Black" Christianity.
How dare anyone assert that we,that you-or anyone other human on this planet could be "Unworthy" or born into "Sin" (Which I believe is S.elf I.nflicted N.onsense), How dare we assert, however subliminally that "God" has "special" people? How dare you assert that our bodies and sexualities, varied and beautiful as they are, are nothing less than sacred? How dare you preach elitism, condension and capitalism in the name of a man who practiced love, compassion, and socialism?
And i know this connects to the young black men i have worked with, and the many black men i know now, who are lost-grappling with a foreign god. Struggling to embrace the beauty of Christ, but caught up in the conundrums of a casual candy coated psychic violence that too many espouse...Yes i must admit i'm still angry. Because I know we are worthy, and I know we have power. Not over others, but from within. ANd i know the universal life force, call it Jah, call it Jesus, call it what you want-or dont believe in it; it doesnt matter becuase it is; it loves us by virtue of being within us and living within us...and this world-with all its madness, sickness and dedication to destruction-is only here because we have made it so; another world is possible; but as long as the ideologies that inform this world are unquestioned, the sickness that stifles our possibilities will pass on..
I feel this, and I know this, and this is my truth. And i know the picture is more complicated. That's Christians nor christian theology cannot be painted with such a broad brush. And that Christianity for so many has been a rock that has held us steady even as it has beaten us down. And i also know that apart of my anger is my woundedness concerning self worth; the wounds that i work towards healing that are opened up each time i encounter a brother who believe in this non-sense. A brother who cannot see his own beauty because misread Hebrew oral literature (the bible) has beaten him out of it. A brother who stabs himself to death in brooklyn, a brother who cries himself to sleep each nite; because he believes he's going to hell .... & I feel sorry for Jesus. I think he would honestly be disappointed in what millions of men and women who follow him are living, teaching and being today. And I echo Lauryn hill too much when i say " I come to churches not to celebrate Christ. but all too often to mourn the absence of his presence in those spaces".

I'm angry. And under my anger is pain. Seeing others hurt is a lot. Feeling others hurt is a lot. Handling my own is enough...but i know that forgiveness is always the first path...and I know I have some work to do..and this work is ongoing..but until we as Black Queer people..and even more broader as human beings..remember we are worthy..remember that their is nothing; no external circumstance or condition that can shift that; until we remember that Love is the law, until we remember that we have the power from within to construct, change and create our destinies...I guess I've got work to do.

Yolo

Some things I probably shouldnt say Part 1

2009-02-28T20:16:00.000-08:00

What is most important to you must be spoken and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood right? Here are some thoughts that are coming to me as I'm working on my first book. Some are a little edgy, some not so, but either way I just wanted to share

1. I believe that all people are inherently bisexual or more appropriately, have the possibility to be attracted to all sexes and genders, and that socialization, along with abuse, power dynamics, and gender norms affect the way in which people have or are able to access the wholeness of their sexual attractions and desires.

2. A thought on domestic violence: Because the belief in gender fragmentation is so strong in our culture- many heterosexual identified men believe themselves to be purely masculine. However, we all are comprised of "both" fem and masc energies. Thus, many men attract women who become unconscious projections of their own under acknowledged femininity and in doing so; treat her as their treat their own emotions and feelings( the femininity). How is that? They beat it, they repress it, they try to control it. The worldwide desecration of the feminine by men and women is a direct co-relation to the gender fragmenting ideology of sexism and patriarchy. until men, and all other bodies that have accepted a patriarchal ideology heal, women across the world will be murdered and killed at the alarming rate that is occurring. This equation could also go vice-versa; the seething anger of women that has lied dormant due to socialized attitudes must be unleashed in order for women to heal and any sort of "balance" to be restored. When women reclaim their inner warriors and denounce the culture of fear; many things will shift...This conversation can be much more complicated-but im intentionally over-simplifying! ( I am writing a much more complex blog on this later..!)

2. The level at which we have been disconnected from our emotional landscapes and bodies by oppression is dramatically under investigated. Our inability to assert and not egress, to speak our feelings as opposed to our thoughts, and so much more are direct outgrowth of being colonized and oppressed.

2. The Political & Radical Left is often as hegemonic as it's right wing counterpart in that specific patterns of loving, relating, and moving through the world are privileged in such a dogmatic fashion that those choosing to operate differently are chastised, belittled or dismissed from community. ( I am guilty of doing this too!)

2. All people are comprised of varying expressive energies. This can be summat ed to mean;all people have the masculine and feminine within them-however, even the use of these terms is problematic. We as energy beings have the potential for limitless expression and to dismiss, deny, or cut ourselves off from any aspects of ourselves is dangerous and unhealthy.

2. Patriarchy has wounded men even as it has privileged us. The inability of many men to form emotional intimate bonds, be they straight or gay; is a direct outgrowth of patriarchal egocentric competitive ideology and until we embrace an ethos of inclusion that is more than intellectual but actually is apart of our movement, body, and speech-we will continue to fail to love each other.

3. Women embody patriarchy too. They, like men, have received the same messages that condone violence and aggression as a means to end. And often in feminist communities, because of the complex nature of our politics-we will allow women to do the most horrendous, violent things because they are women-while if they were men we would find thier actions unacceptable and immediately protest. Denying that women are violent and aggressive is apart of a larger script of denying women thier agency. It is reminiscent of the belief that black men give hiv/aids to black women; and that black women do not give HIV/AIDS to black men. The earlier assumes that women are objects to be given something too and invisibilizes them as anything else.

4. Because our community is struggling so intensely with its trans-phobia- we often are afraid to hold trans men and women accountable when they make sexist and misogynistic remarks. I have heard trans women say they knew they wanted to be a woman because they "wanted to cook for a man" and i have heard trans men say "they don't fuck with that homo shit"-all in the prescience of activist community with little accountability (even from myself!)

2. HIV/AIDS Prevention dramatically fails often because of some of these factors.
a. Ego-Centrism; The HIV/AIDS field is littered with wounded men who lust for power and control. instead of developing innovative solutions and partnering to conquer issues that arise many are often involved in minor turf battles which weaken the collective ability to address the issue.

B. Community Based organizations are comprised of people often from those same communities; and because of this-the staff of these CBO's are often susceptible of carrying and promoting the same self hating and shame inducing norms that help spread the epidemic in the first place. In many cases the CBO's become spaces where this happens profusely. In order to become more effective as HIV/AIDs organizations feminist holistic psychological evaluations, not unlike the ones that individuals who go to school for therapy undergo, must be a interwoven into the picture on some level. KNowing your stuff and how not to project it- or when you are projecting is a must. Self Awareness is a must.

C. HIV & AIDS, I believe, like all "dis-ease" feeds on fear. And many of our campaigns, well meaning as they are, often proliferate the fear forming an equation that interconnects with cultural shame to make a very deadly recipe. HIV & AIDs research must expand into the ethereal and holistic to see how fear, hate and other energies affect the body and aura. Holistic medicine believes no dis ease is in isolation, and thus we must look at HIV in a broader lens that also includes these things including the energy of food.

D. I believe that mainstream Christianity, and it's belief in SIN and the immorality of homosexuality has mortally wounded many black queer people who have accepted this religious perspective and that nihilistic behavior's is directly an outgrowth of a lack of self worth based on this poorly translated scripture. In fact, I would argue that Black Christian Theology that advocates against gays and lesbians is largely responsible for the unhealthiness of our community psychologically, spiritually, and physically. And of course-we could draw this line back further and recognize thier is a much broader realm of responsibility...

Today I pledged..

2009-02-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

Today I pledged to love my body..to embrace all my folds, and my creases..all my spots and my blemishes...today I pledged to honor myself; as a direct manifestation of the divine-the creator; god & goddess-life expressing itself. I decided to embrace me, and in turn embrace all others who are only my reflection. Today I felt good-and hopeful, and forgiving. and trusting. I reconnected with my magic and my joy. Today i realized that I could have the love I want. That i could be the love i want. And so today I am! And so today it is..!

The Challenge of Violence

2009-02-19T19:49:00.000-08:00

We Are the Work"-Men Stopping Violence Slogan

" I feel therefore I can be free"- Audre Lorde

Today, I sat and thought hard about what would be my first blog.Then, as if to answer my concerns-the universe over the past few days offered me an opportunity to grow in a very challenging situation. (Like it always does!)

There was a conflict; and in response to that conflict some involved reached out in what I felt were very violent and passive aggressive mediums. In response to that violence I felt the ugly within me arise; felt the urge to, out of my own hurt, reach back and hurt those who I felt had so wrongly inflicted violence upon me.

Even with all my training, with all my understanding and embrasure of non-violence; and my belief that violence, be it emotional psychological or spiritual; is never acceptable-(Self-Defense for me is something different) I still wanted to do it. To cut back. To make them feel like I felt. And what did I feel? Well underneath all the anger within me, I recognized I was hurt. And when I got to that place, and believe me it took some doing- I re-realized that anger is often an umbrella emotion, masking beneath it a full range of feelings of pain, frustration and hurt. Yet as a man, and further more as an individual socialized in an hyper-masculine society; my first instinct was not to go to that pain but towards the desire to inflict that pain on others. My first instinct was to get revenge.
And not only that, I wanted to cut them off, and cut them out of my life. And this has been historically my response to those who have caused me emotional pain; and have expressed no desire to be accountable. I would shut them out. Quick & Easy. It's over.

But when I went back to the pain, I realized how much of all my anger was really about how much I had been hurt. So the next thing i went to was why? How is this about me? What is this situation that has awakened anger and hurt within me have to teach?
I sat back and realized that a large part of my anger centered on not being heard. The responses from the said parties really reflected either mis-communication or an inability to hear from their own standpoints of pain. And I was able to connect that to much a deeper pain for me-a pain of a little boy, who, equally so felt unheard or misunderstood and then attacked from those places.

And then I came to another place- a place where i recognized my lack of compassion. A close friend told me today "If we cut each other off every time someone shows their "ugly"-then we will have no-one, because we all have pain in us which manifests in ugly ways." It amazed me how quickly I discounted the fact that the others were in pain too. And while there pain is not a justification for their actions-choosing to respond to their violence with violence would only lead us down the same old road of constructing more pain. And cutting them out of my life-with no conversation; be it as difficult as that conversation may be- was not the answer either. Though I am sensitive; and in many ways than most; I still dont believe running is always the answer. And I have to look at how my actions may have caused them pain as well. Because even if our intent is well meaning; is does not mean that the consequence of the intent is always recieved well. And so I have to reflect back on my actions as well-and be accountable!

And so I've chose to forgive. And not forgive without accountability-no that's not what I mean at all; but to forgive without expectations. And choosing to forgive gave me enough distance from my pain to see how they themselves could be interpreting the scenario, how we both could be bringing in mixed messages and our mixed histories to the situation. It does not make what they did right; but they say " Forgiveness is me giving up the desire to hurt you for hurting me."
and so I'm choosing that.

In connection, I quoted "We are the work" because I believe vehemently that as activists, healers and poets, the work we have to do is not just on the larger societal structures but on our own emotional and spiritual bodies and how we move through the world. Just as institutions have been shaped by violence, sexism, racism etc-so have I and we. And it is useless to challenge those external realities If I don't go within and look at me -If I don't look at my violence, my racism, my sexism, my homophobia-and choose to transform it into love.

Transforming old patterns is not easy. But If I want a world of equality, peace, and love-then I have to be that-and that is a challenge that I believe is worth taking on.

There are so many differences among us. And so many wounds. And some of us may not choose to acknowledge them, or see them-but if we are to really create a world that affirms and not discards-than I believe we have to recognize that we are all reflections of each other. It does not mean that we don't need to distance ourselves sometimes, or leave relationships completely-but I feel it does mean that we can do that in a way that has love for all involved if we are able.

And so with that I kick off my first blog: "Envision This! " Its my way of sharing with the world the world that Is me, and the galaxy I am growing up to be. I Invite you to come with me and Envision this world of the wounded-healing; Envision intimacy ending oppression, envision self awareness stifling the spirit of the ego, envision tears tearing down walls, envision hugs holding us together. Love: Envision This!

Welcome! I'm looking forward to many posts and sharing together!-

Eternally your Reflection,
Yolo Akili, Feb. 19, 2009