Some things I probably shouldnt say Part 1

What is most important to you must be spoken and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood right? Here are some thoughts that are coming to me as I'm working on my first book. Some are a little edgy, some not so, but either way I just wanted to share

1. I believe that all people are inherently bisexual or more appropriately, have the possibility to be attracted to all sexes and genders, and that socialization, along with abuse, power dynamics, and gender norms affect the way in which people have or are able to access the wholeness of their sexual attractions and desires.

2. A thought on domestic violence: Because the belief in gender fragmentation is so strong in our culture- many heterosexual identified men believe themselves to be purely masculine. However, we all are comprised of "both" fem and masc energies. Thus, many men attract women who become unconscious projections of their own under acknowledged femininity and in doing so; treat her as their treat their own emotions and feelings( the femininity). How is that? They beat it, they repress it, they try to control it. The worldwide desecration of the feminine by men and women is a direct co-relation to the gender fragmenting ideology of sexism and patriarchy. until men, and all other bodies that have accepted a patriarchal ideology heal, women across the world will be murdered and killed at the alarming rate that is occurring. This equation could also go vice-versa; the seething anger of women that has lied dormant due to socialized attitudes must be unleashed in order for women to heal and any sort of "balance" to be restored. When women reclaim their inner warriors and denounce the culture of fear; many things will shift...This conversation can be much more complicated-but im intentionally over-simplifying! ( I am writing a much more complex blog on this later..!)

2. The level at which we have been disconnected from our emotional landscapes and bodies by oppression is dramatically under investigated. Our inability to assert and not egress, to speak our feelings as opposed to our thoughts, and so much more are direct outgrowth of being colonized and oppressed.

2. The Political & Radical Left is often as hegemonic as it's right wing counterpart in that specific patterns of loving, relating, and moving through the world are privileged in such a dogmatic fashion that those choosing to operate differently are chastised, belittled or dismissed from community. ( I am guilty of doing this too!)

2. All people are comprised of varying expressive energies. This can be summat ed to mean;all people have the masculine and feminine within them-however, even the use of these terms is problematic. We as energy beings have the potential for limitless expression and to dismiss, deny, or cut ourselves off from any aspects of ourselves is dangerous and unhealthy.

2. Patriarchy has wounded men even as it has privileged us. The inability of many men to form emotional intimate bonds, be they straight or gay; is a direct outgrowth of patriarchal egocentric competitive ideology and until we embrace an ethos of inclusion that is more than intellectual but actually is apart of our movement, body, and speech-we will continue to fail to love each other.

3. Women embody patriarchy too. They, like men, have received the same messages that condone violence and aggression as a means to end. And often in feminist communities, because of the complex nature of our politics-we will allow women to do the most horrendous, violent things because they are women-while if they were men we would find thier actions unacceptable and immediately protest. Denying that women are violent and aggressive is apart of a larger script of denying women thier agency. It is reminiscent of the belief that black men give hiv/aids to black women; and that black women do not give HIV/AIDS to black men. The earlier assumes that women are objects to be given something too and invisibilizes them as anything else.

4. Because our community is struggling so intensely with its trans-phobia- we often are afraid to hold trans men and women accountable when they make sexist and misogynistic remarks. I have heard trans women say they knew they wanted to be a woman because they "wanted to cook for a man" and i have heard trans men say "they don't fuck with that homo shit"-all in the prescience of activist community with little accountability (even from myself!)

2. HIV/AIDS Prevention dramatically fails often because of some of these factors.
a. Ego-Centrism; The HIV/AIDS field is littered with wounded men who lust for power and control. instead of developing innovative solutions and partnering to conquer issues that arise many are often involved in minor turf battles which weaken the collective ability to address the issue.

B. Community Based organizations are comprised of people often from those same communities; and because of this-the staff of these CBO's are often susceptible of carrying and promoting the same self hating and shame inducing norms that help spread the epidemic in the first place. In many cases the CBO's become spaces where this happens profusely. In order to become more effective as HIV/AIDs organizations feminist holistic psychological evaluations, not unlike the ones that individuals who go to school for therapy undergo, must be a interwoven into the picture on some level. KNowing your stuff and how not to project it- or when you are projecting is a must. Self Awareness is a must.

C. HIV & AIDS, I believe, like all "dis-ease" feeds on fear. And many of our campaigns, well meaning as they are, often proliferate the fear forming an equation that interconnects with cultural shame to make a very deadly recipe. HIV & AIDs research must expand into the ethereal and holistic to see how fear, hate and other energies affect the body and aura. Holistic medicine believes no dis ease is in isolation, and thus we must look at HIV in a broader lens that also includes these things including the energy of food.

D. I believe that mainstream Christianity, and it's belief in SIN and the immorality of homosexuality has mortally wounded many black queer people who have accepted this religious perspective and that nihilistic behavior's is directly an outgrowth of a lack of self worth based on this poorly translated scripture. In fact, I would argue that Black Christian Theology that advocates against gays and lesbians is largely responsible for the unhealthiness of our community psychologically, spiritually, and physically. And of course-we could draw this line back further and recognize thier is a much broader realm of responsibility...