The Sunday Spirit: "No Pain No Gain: Celebrating the Wisdom of Betty Wright!"

(Disclaimer: Yolo loves him some Betty Wright. However, I am not in full agreement with alot of the "man politics" in this song or of the idea that the "devil" is messing with our relationships." I also don't support the gender normative enforcers in this song.")

This was a sketchy blog to write. Because I work in the pro-peace movement; I had to ponder for a while; what does it mean for me to say "No Pain No gain?" Am i justifying the abuse that millions of women and men suffer everyday by saying this? Am i colluding with patriarchy in suggesting that pain is a natural part of life? Am i justifying racism? Sexism?

See,I believe that in order for us to grow we must experience pain. I do not believe that all forms of pain are necessary, such as the isms, domestic violence, etc. But i do believe that they each have something to teach us.I believe All pain has something to teach us. The question is are we paying attention or taking time to learn. One of my greatest teachers Starhawk once said "nothing goes away until it has taught us all we need to know". I often think about this in relationship to the myriad of inequities that exist across the planet. But the same is also true about our personal relationships. There is something each of them has to teach us. Something about the human experience that we can learn from studying the dynamics; and looking within ourselves..

So many of us spend our lives running away and avoiding pain. And out of avoiding pain we end up in isolation and bitterness. We end up becoming walking psychological, emotional, and spiritual prisons. This often happens because we are so afraid to experience pain, that vulnerability; the very thing needed to experience love; is shunned and feared. We have to understand that vulnerability means we may experience emotional hurt. And We have to become brave enough to bear the possibility of that pain. If we do not; we will grow increasingly hard and cold and distant from the love we say we desire.

We have to develop the strength, courage and skills to stay present with difficult emotional situations instead of running from them every time things get hard. We have to realize that "pain" is a natural part of our relationships; whether romantic or otherwise "in order to get something you gotta go through something." If we can accept pain as not always an indication of "something wrong" but an indication of "something that needs to be worked through" I think it would help really help us grow..