Random Writings 1: Ideological Violence

"Uncovered this from my online journal. Kinda interesting. Thoughts?"

In order to effectively infiltrate theories of wholeness into the larger human population, we as queers, as healers, as radical activists and leftists are going to have to incorporate more and more complex strategies. It is not to say that we should give up those skills and things that we have now, but it is to say that those methods are not always effective in getting our voices heard.

For instance, the in your face anti- activism of “were queer were here” or the aggressive demonstrations and protests where “sides” have been taken often do very little to change movements. What they often do instead, is help consolidate the “opposition’s belief that they must fight harder against the other side, and help endorse the idea that these issues are two sided as opposed to being much more complicated with shades of grey that could offer spaces for co-operation. This is why it is integral that we as activist-healers on the left begin the vital work of self awareness, love and reflection. We must learn to look at ourselves. We must recognize that what we create, we must first become. We must remember that the masters tools will never dismantle the masters house. What do I mean by this? Let me share:

What we create we must first become: Each time we go out into the universe with our self righteousness, defensiveness , we replicate more of that same energy in others. When we enter debates or dialogues dis interested in hearing others, or of generating compassion, or of seeing the other side, those individuals get on the defensive and become what we have given:-self righteousness, defensiveness and anger. Then we are unable to hear eachother. The cycle perpetuates itself, and we get more violence, more anger, more pain, less resolution. Generating compassion and keeping a line of communication open between ourselves must be recognized as necessary.

But we cannot generate compassion if there is no self reflection, because we are too caught up in our own anger, in our own pain. We are often so caught up in our own anger, in our own pain and victimization that we cannot even see the world from their view. In order to help with this, The first thing I believe we all as activists have to do is recognize how the work we are doing, whether its reproductive justice or in domestic violence is connected to us ourselves and our own wounding. And we must go beneath the anger, where the real wounding is. Because Anger is nothing but an umbrella emotion; one which covers a list of feelings that we often disconnect from: hurt, pain, confusion, sadness, and frustration. In our patriarchal society in the context of war or debate, these feelings are presented as invalid. Yet we must reclaim them within ourselves.

For instance, lets say I am an individual who says that I am angry at the failure to pass an ENDA bill for LGBTQ rights. The anger is the first place we go, but what is beneath it? Could it be hurt? Hurt that the failure for this bill to pass directly speaks to a cultures placement of little value in my life, in me? Hurt that this is yet another assault on my self worth, a sense of self worth that as a queer person in America, is assaulted daily?

Going to the hurt can help us keep from going to attack. Not going to attack offers us the space to hear and be heard. To generate compassion. To connect internally with the narrative of pain versus the narrative of anger produces a different biochemical response in your body and aura. The narrative of anger gets the blood pressure high, the narrative of pain sombers us.

If we can connect with our deeper emotions, and remain internally aware, we begin to be able to see others more clearly. For if you are acting out of anger to cover pain, surely the others are as well?

Surely there is some wounding, some belief, some pain that leads them to attack. Could it be that the right wings claims of “backlash” , “abuse and “violence” have some level of credence to them?

Of course they do. People on the right wing’s feelings are valid because all of our feelings are valid. But we cannot hear the pain that an African American republican speaks of, because we are too caught up in our own victimization and judgement of his or her ideology and placement. Yet many African Americans who are republican do face harassment, and violence from the community. We must hear their experience and understand that is real for them, but to do so we must step outside of our self centerdness. Stepping outside of our self centerdness means that we have to validate others experiences, even when we don’t feel like it is the whole truth or believe it is what is really happening.

Validating the others perspective allows them to feel heard, and once being heard has happened, once an individual feels validated, the level of resistance wanes. This is where the concept of mirroring is so important. If we are able to mirror and validate back others in time of conflict so that they feel heard, the argumentative energy may be subdued. It also allows us an opportunity to get out of “our stuff” for a minute and hear someone else’s experience. Hearing someone else’s experience gives us the opportunity to see shared mutual interest, and also see others pain.

So if we believe the law of “what we create, we must first become –we have to see that when we create violence and aggression we are embodying those things; they are not separate from us. And the creation of those things within us and without us creates more of it in the universe. It is not the anger or the emotion that we must challenge, but the actions the we do in relation to that emotion. So if we choose to create compassion, to create active listening, there is the possibility that we may create that in others. Though we have to recognize also, that using these tactics may not change the “other side”. They may still respond with aggression.

Yet we do our part in committing not to perpetuate more violence by working towards compassion. We drain our own energy less, feed the egocentric compulsions of this culture less, and offer more room for transformation. We still hold others accountable. We still defend. state and protect ourselves, however, we do not give ourselves over to them, which in our culture is casual and everyday.

Yet this paradigm cannot be so easily uncovered. When we talk about mirroring and compassion, we have to recognize that there real inequalities that socialization and society have created around gender, sex, race, and much more. Interjecting these inequalities into the discourse complicates things. For instance, many women have been socialized always to generate compassion, and in many cases to nurture. When in conversations with many men, who have been socialized that they have an entitlement to space, some women may fall prey to emotional caretaking as opposed to radical dialogue. On the other end of this spectrum, many men may find themselves listening to react, and not listening to hear what the other is saying.

To this I say: that these are our challenges when resisting socialization. If we as men are really interested in ending oppression we must recognize that to not listen, or to listen only to attack is a “tool of the master . “ We must relinquish the need to be right and challenge ourselves to reclaim our full humanity by becoming more empathetic, intune and intouch. Apart also of women’s work must be to learn assertive skills. To become intentional about speaking their desires and needs and challenging the idea of women as meak and passive.

Both of these pose challenges however, and do create the possibility for real lived danger. Men may be bullied for being soft of gay, women may be silenced or intimidateed through violence or abuse. Resistance is not simple enough, and unfortuanately, we will often encounter more aggression than non-violence, even as active proponents of non-violence as a strategy.

which is why There is so much work to do...